![]() |
English Finnish Wavetales |
i guess i could tell you things of earth, of year Rain falls and sundowns clocks that don't set but stay true i guess i tried to wait and whisper give time for the light to rest in the dark Balancing on thin ice layers of shattered glass encompassing all that I can all that I could i guess you could tell me things And i guess i would listen A company Let me walk with you for a while for a life Hear the words dropping out of your mouth into my ear My arms your skin telling who i am what we could be let me tell you how we have been what did we do just now, again see with my words create the real What is the world? Returning to me Casting it shadows As I cast mine Hearing these words Songs of the birds Waves on the shore How do we go on casting the armours around our hearts How do I live from love trust in all fall away from fear How it goes that again and again I fail to make you happy or make myself whole do I or do i not want need love anyone anymore anything How it goes that again and again I leave try to leave you to be who you are I though think passed through Layers of skin and doubt waiting, asking that maybe it's not not not An empty page Full of promises new, hint of hope At times I'm filled all the way to the marginals thoughts cluttered running out of my eyes not full getting ready to finish everything not yet not quite maybe in forty years It's not this that which whatever It's this those these words breaths between the notes Keys black and white fitting but not making a sound hear it not this that which who ever is making these words not moving one phase after repeat phase a piece pulse everafter Money comes it goes exchange collaborate we all melt together neither from status nor from direction how do you relate to hierarchies very unbureucratic funding on project How we work as production a winter a month to go by Anything else but theory Are there is these the questions you your side needs to know Start when did you notice direction places to hide from daylight to sunlight to moonlight from the dark end When did you pay attention it's no longer here or maybe it never was notice when did you? No go I wish that you would find me finally It's not that I would be waiting but... I think I am your lips on my neck my fingertips on your collarbone Not knowing but pretending to be here Is this the time Is this the day when you will finally arrive clouds after the rain time that we take to come to understanding and I never understand how can we in this tremendous wealth let others die out of hunger out of care count the coins hide the cash money is nothing except agreement and I don't want to agree yet can't find my way out lack of bravery Rain in the morning fresh water that falls runs in rivers how could anyone own what is given to us all understanding, a lack For now I stay silent Still as the heat On a day with no wind Not resting Nothing being Created or destroyed Nothing being At all And elsewhere Progress marches onwards Eventually destroying and creating itself, others Watch it rise See it fall At the end of A day For now Stay silent Holy or whole to be holy is to be whole or to be whole is to be everything imaginable truth and lies death and birth dying and living I don't become whole either the whole is whole or it isn't holiness don't become neither do halos ascend descend no middle no end either it is or it isn't and how this would not be it? Like, as if I didn't hear the words heard everything but i do not understand and it's not the language it's the sense pieces clicking creating meaning s building pictures and they don't form not now, not for me a mess of emotions that i cannot relate or disconnect I wish I was over over it, this Independence interdependence Inter Intra All in All in As i try as if i wouldn't mind as if i wouldn't feel hurt eventhough there's nothing to hurt storm, colliding waters under the dark i imagine reasons and relations but i don't understand or control Love, amor, love used so many times, in so many meanings that i don't know did they ever mean anything just forces and no signs to read them Under the dark This that is is there's no way to hold it, to have it in this, in that even to understand like and as if giving examples what it reminds, feels alike similarities and comparisons never this that is this is is be exists? even this that doesn't exist is Let go of me it's time to leave In no time Blossoms fall stems grow In no time I remember time of every step every beat of the heart I tend to forget I remember the card but not you or the time of me receiving or you receiving me time, destroys all builds it up true being left on it's own Just like me forgotten in the wind with the taste of salt This part I hold dear so close that it becomes it is me This part I... Uneasiness in grieving uneasiness in... I am uneasy sitting here with you without you fingers missing the sking to touch missing being touched to change, but not completely nothing at all is stable true being not even nothing itself flicker of an eye a flame a picture heat me up (he) says shivering How to let go without sadness When I am happy ? How to let go of the hopes I don't know existing wishes not recognised Let everything be all over without escaping without Hours pass I'm afraid that all that has happened happens again And I don't know how to stop it Is there a switch? Internal sun or tide that can be turned I don't want you to be anything else than you I wish you to be happy and happier than without me and yet I know not how to when I am like I am as I am what I am I cut these thigs to pieces Old and used To make something new Languages we share we don't what is to understand Take this Hand or a kiss Stones and feathers Signs, all the same Distances Space and time Difference Either here or far Waiting Joyfully Things will always Change And stay the same Who you are now I know not I love you Nevertheless I stitch these pieces to things Rearranged And new again Evening, rain Lights shimmering from the asphalt Somewhere far under my fingers I still can feel Your skin A rain A memory A wish Your lips Somewhere Too far From mine What is a sign Detached From the thing It signifies Kisses and caresses Smiles and laughter Trying to make them empty of meaning But my will Or belief Is not Strong enough Signs of love Pretending That they are Not what they are Kisses, caresses Gentle words Tips of the fingers Signs Detached Yet Full of love Long gone but not so silent as if not to hear between the words above the sentences audible in every breath Long gone but we do remember even if we try our best to forget and not to recall push away from being wait for a while see how the rivers run until they have emptied into the oceans how leafs grow dry fall decay sun sets and breath grows slower wait for a while at times i wonder how on earth we have survived so long on this earth? and how come the human can even be claimed to have an intellect? i guess I should stay away from message boards if I wanting to keep the remnants of hope and belief that this kin of mine will survive Days thoughts of Vague memories of your laughter All these things that we carry around our hearts as a shelter an armour a wall Weeks of not hearing how alone we are in the midst of noise laughter and love not this not that senses, perception the multiplicity of good and evil nothing pure except being render reality dress up with language hard shapes distinct polarities non being not this not that being a non-being yet weeds grow and flowers decay If there would be change to escape but the action affirms no escape embrace time to resign throw thoughts to the floor ideals out of the window repeat that nothing is lost repeat that nothing is gained and everything as always is given most of us I included are just incapable of giving it forward letting it pass time to resign stupid games of wealth and power I wish that I could not that I wouldn't worry not that I wouldn't care not that I wouldn't be grateful and I repeat I'm done striving as I wish that I would And I repeat after forever groundless thoughts faltered patterns findings so old understanding settless drifting pieces towards the floor of the forest of the ocean Sediments sentiments filling me in blocking the view taking my breath understanding through the old rendering the new into something already known And I repeat a thought a word a movement a motion contructing the now places where we haven't been places we always were emotion in motion severed from the world drifting towards the oceans floor Not one not two no one knew What would and what will only you with your eyes blue asking for truth Somehow all of it, this Expires by the time Reached, grasped and lost Becomings beginnings Endings never ending Stop Streched thin words upon truth friends in dinstance skin on bones Time for the making and you stretch it more As if to see how long there's anything left to save call back hear from wrap around you heart Stretched thin as to see through Would it be easier Or just different if i would not but i do Could it be for a second a breath a living thing Should it be left alone given time bloom and grow just the same a bit different letting everything gently unfold Fall fell over us not suddenly unknowing Slowly the days grow darker we wait for the turn it seems too long the time we let it pass law after law case after case Ask yourself as i ask me what are you afraid of? the day comes hopefully soon when the answer is nothing nothing at all At peace not with world not without it nothing is as it is such as it is No nature to run to no forces of predictability surprises all along the way that never was about to lead nowhere wait for no one standing still next to an edge ridge trees oceans above fleeing forever withdrawn such as it is At peace stepping aside nothing behind the present crumbling stones, tiles wood, bones, sheets of shining metal cascading, colliding slowly forming the way To walk on ever arriving towards the future nothing to be done all the steps taken standing still carried forward the night, the sun another moon clear paths, coming years can almost hear today the future arranged not planned To say things simply quick words short sentences no elaboration everything coded to a common language and it becomes uncommon or not good enough To read things simply adding nothing not understanding at all not referring to any past any future only the words themselves resonating finding their way tickling, dying sinking in All of the notes little things described scribbled drafted not written Travelled around scattered thrown in the wind thrown in the river Swallowed not as an whole Pieces of memory recollections like shattered glass so sharp as to cut open Dissect separate meat off the bones good off the bad Piles around the yard forgotten left to decompose How the world works this way or that pours it's words into me beliefs and expectancies How the time turns a tree from a seed a cycles around a clock or a sun How am I after a failure too many thoughts little less feelings How is it now, before when you don't yet know nothing at all This is being told in words, sentences plans, pictures laid out on the floor around the tables This is being, silence(d) not making a notion not planning to live This is being untold lost in the noise and chatter underneath the weight of the world Light glimpses movement of an eye twist of the mouth slowly closing This is being revealed not that it was hidden not that it was lost not that it was At the end energy runs through drives outside in veins skin marrow Almost touching Hitting hard no pavement slippery floor Timing, time rhythm, though thinking. through the middle of the brain. Somewhere, people dying And us, surrounded by this beauty moving in, moving out, dying. No cries here, no laughs, no nothing. All of this I owe to you never born never dead. everpresent Morning Clouds pouring over the hills Rising sun With open walls Aural Drones and dominions 5 minutes From one end to another guiding my fall I try to count beats Ambience of oriental Turns into drones Even for us Jules plays On the otherside Been here before Different times Different places Here again Almost everything Collaged into this Time for next change Endings Transitions Heavy lids in the morning Rays make their way Skin Touch Kisses Maybe we'll see again All passes Smiles Tears All over again Last night At last Orange light Old cushions Ready But it's not time to leave Yet Fading voices Trees against Darkening sky Last night At last Tomorrow Another At night Steady drone of crickets Laugh from the neighbours Steps on the gravel Breathing of dogs Everything Almost in peace Wine and olives Talk and wonders How nothing Seems to be in peace Days worn out And we are finally resting War roaming Else if not far All my dances For those who die(d) in vain If not for peace Everlasting Dying takes time After we see How beautifully You're designed As am I Everything connected Into pieces Blades of knives and axe Slightly later Fried blood kidney and brain Shared plate I wonder The shortly felt nausea Straight from gut Not thought Curiosity Could I do the same At the end energy runs through drives outside in veins skin marrow Almost touching Hitting hard no pavement slippery floor Timing, time rhythm, though thinking through the middle of the brain Somewhere, people dying And us, surrounded by this beauty moving in, moving out, dying No cries here, no laughs, no nothing All of this I owe to you never born never dead everpresent Tried and lost pieces fractions seconds finding their way deeper into darkness All of the currency we call time Every cell screaming stop enough No more not in my name not in my head no enough deeper into darkness Time for exchange Time for next change Time for We're given but all space is taken sold out to someone to sell us things and thoughts bits and pieces I gather mine from the floor where they laid broken Throw around all sides of the world you just have to no matter what happens what are the consequences After all all that fails fails after givel time given space I wait for your words I'll wait for the day when we would finally say enough or too much So full of longing the last pages of the book the last beats of a heart So full of knowing is it you? finally? I've been given so much but I want more to give Will i accept you will you accept me to look and laugh and love to grow even if not doing anything at all i want to love Please wake up did you think or feel right think to do to say Please wake up it's time almost too late now I wish I think I though I wished someone, something going to fullfill dreams of me to understand that I am not empty a vessel no form nothing to be empty of Everything is full of everything Always everything here now good hope all great happy belief not lost not lost at all not not around always here but what is here all and nothing all and everything time being a place being not here, not this not not always But...? I do miss, like always and I am not sure is it really you or what is represented how could I how you could again questions after questions falling through the screen note clear sound of beginning towards the end of days Eyes smile a presence the easiness ease lay my head on your belly your laugh in my ears So much is empty otherwise all is full in me in here in the pictures we see to share everything I was given I give myself to you, enough Knowing is the trick But I do know I just refuse to believe that I do do you know the same as me? how our future will be Knowing much is not all After a while you call me i call you write the words out of love out of longing after a while I know and you should even if late, not earlier after a while i am on your skin All is good sweating pouring through almost like rain you are i am and soon or a bit later we will see feel what was what is Now All is good I wish my every though contains you eyes floating behind mine swimming in the marrow of my bones surround from the inside here and not here but in everything Worth of knowing the light the dark the green the brown the sea the salt the fresh lakes the earth under the shores to leave and crash on the smile the tears and the lasting laughter your eyes looking into mine Who greets who? me the morning the morning me cold lights after the sun Always giving too much at times another day of the same play Shifting from tragedy to comedy and back again see how we go in circles Erased crossed over undone after a while all builds up all comes down all will all way up stay still still waiting all Not the slightest doubt that I would be wrong or stupid amazing amazement that we got even this far a helping thoughts recomposed All is given away freely So why do we struggle Yard of a kindergarden Yard of a Asylum Me, mine, me, mine why should we survive how can we survive when committing suicide How helping to carry the food of ramadan Taking the childs hand or a picture painting all of what needs to be painted you are so beautiful No time lost given away for nothing at all doubled back all my thoughts for you and all of us for no one for nothing Give me heart Not long ago feared Not so long ago Token of my good faith Love and loyalty Long ago Blessed with all the knowledge taken or received in good faith Dull pain like in my belly below my ribs eating not eaten finding it's way breathing my air You see just still not anything moving at all at last on off on top anything at all moving at last If I sleep Repeat a day night full, new wave Repeat form passing nothing passing a wave Repeated years tides turns No shore I wanted to see Love Loved A Lot Lost Locked Love not Lost I love Bones after bones Drawn pulled out of mixture of mind and muscle Shake and rattle Bones after bones When the blood has dried Sandblasted Hearts and heads Hurts and misses One day Out of ten One night Out of nothing And not a romance I know I don't know What's there Behind this But a memory It's all insane The world The biggest fiction of all Rationality Sanity To be sane In the world Not to be normal No one knows What it is But some of us know That it's not this Not in my name Not in my words If I was asked (and I wasn't) I gave no permissions But I can't leave myself out Dominions Places to go Places to own Thrones After thrones of empty air and false promises We were We are Victim s Innocent s Our right s For too long Thrones dominions Laid to ruins Almost like whole Nothing missing Nothing to add Almost like Everything would Have fallen into the right place Almost like I could hear a laugh and I'm not here Almost like All the tears would have Turned into rivers Almost like No world is here And no nothing Almost like Almost Thick hair Touch of grey A wolf Gentle Strong Gliding above Earth barely touching I walk beside Thoughts and stories Decayed buildings Your eyes into mine You Shining with A smile So I leave it be without within as long as no matter what or why it won't so I leave it be untouched unheard as long as nothing goes through or is taken considered again I leave it be I know it will be but I'm tired and disbeliefed I leave it I leave leave For too long You've been following Your imaginary heart For too long You've been blaming Your imaginary head Dividing beings into things Being into beings Ends and beginnings Making things But denying the doing And i can't see I made this This made me Change Same thing Different scale Fight war Kiss love Nothing changes at all Endless loops Of repetation Spheres and circles Learnt and forgotten Less than generation All over again It's written It's been written It was written But it seems that No one really read A Spiral Ends Tell me What there is to do With people Following orders Responsibility Is always yours No matter who gave and who said Forget your country Forget your language Forget your leaders Until we stop creating ourselves through others Wars will be fought Identity Individuality Who built me or was I left to grow? How can I Denounce myself piece after piece not finnish no age no gender not old not man not son not left not dancer not what is left? When was it that I started to tell stories to myself? What was What would be Will be When was it that there was nothing else except what truly was? Truly we are not without others Truly we are not Alone Truly we are not There is no importance in the world What created mine? If we weren't so afraid radical changes would be possible Fear needs power Over others Over life Is it possible for this being to not to be afraid? If there's no fear is there still being? what should be taken care of? Things destroyed Rendered into nothing Thoughts taken from the past Other heads Other times Breath keeps flowing Today tomorrow How is it what you call life? One step at a time Not knowing what to say Or who it would be saying Not being silent because it's not what is there Time place forget if ever Uneven Unbalanced Asymmetry Building Buildings I cannot And I don't want Build you or myself I would rather see you grow Best of my abilities All the noise Loud Full of life Making themselves reality Declaring Thinking of the forests In the north No sound but the wind yet everything Fully alive Strive for clarity Whole sentences Solid words Something to make sense of Continuation and causality World is a view Even if i spelled Everything out loud You still wouldn't understand Memories Colliding Shifting Merging Into others Until i don't know When Where Whom Was i Am i And who are you Give me your hand Time Walking past the market place Shops and houses Little streets curving Old walls slowly growing Sky here is more blue With the Cathedral against it Ice cream, squares with lights And me Slowly crumbling Another word late responce responded Action where words would do better Words where action was hoped for Thought Out of curiosity Seemingly innocent And now I know How all and everything fades off then shines again cycles, pulses At times I feel yours Beating with the world beating of wings beating again faint smiles for the days we passed I draw lines Around you Circles, archs Thoughts of weight Touch with lightness Making me real On the eyes of the other I draw lines Around Myself, you Making us real In the eyes of each other Circles, archs, round motions Ever returning Back to the start I think It's your scent Makes me Wishing to kiss your neck I think It's the memory Of your eyes Which bound me into I think I feel Thoughs turned Pebbles, underneath Slowly sliding, a mass Covering, all the earth Stones turned Underneath, nothing All in the open Filling up the skies A step taken Between the past and coming Hardly hidden It's always here Thoughts burned Rose up the skies It is all empty And so full of life It passes Everything Days so long Months so short Soon it's winter Soon i'm here again Soon it's over Soon it will begin Now Slowly turning earth Slowly turning thoughts Listen I hear The trees Leaving their leaves Huge span of wings High up in the sky How could I Not admire Hours away You turn your head Close your eyes And dream Today I feel tired Of days, hours Being alone Being alive Looking for... And i know No one will make me happy But me And i know What i long for Tomorrow Today Now. I guess i'm fading Away from you Drifting slowly further Until your body doesn't remember The weight of mine Memory of you Inside Everpresent Tiredness washes over me Will I learn to sleep Another week Some same Half different Enjoying the time Yet a part waits To see Again your eyes To no beat We move Working together Sliding through Falling down Suddenly supported How I love Meeting you again My friend Voice so Dark soft gentle Eyes closing Dropping into slumber Last words not as words but Kisses, kisses, kisses Your skin On my breath Night We wait for the turn In peace Nothing to be done All happens A dance A drink A laugh Until Sleep washes Over me Rain seems To wash away All that was thought To be me Wheels Downhills Ride up Surrounded Water pouring From within From above All of it All of this The days changing Us with them Squeeze my hand Touch my lips Signs of life Throught the city One train to another A Car Throught mountains Fields golden Green trees Moon Round with clouds Becoming slowly A memory Yesterday Not to go Everything moves Effort extended Sound Of a falling Leaves Thoughts Felt Ripeness Turns to decay To move World is still Year of no summer Yet it's warm here Inside my head Inside my veins Small pebbles under my feet A steady rock (K)now (K)now not I know Up north The sun will hit you harder Down here Only the warmth of strangers smile Unpretending I wish I'm done striving All that it takes A day An hour All that it takes A word A touch Some day soon Complain Concepts But the things you hold Dear Freedom Love Spontaneity All concepts Nothing more You'll Never reach Unreachable Took the hope That was left With claimed love hope springs eternal Never To fall again How soon Will be All Gone Tremors running through me or the earth shaking things loose places, connections Am i sick or healing? Morning Faint trace Spring tides Brings light Everything growing Day by day I vanish More Into the brightness Of the sun After the sweat Sea After the sea sweat Salt mixing salt In cold In heat Sea is coming out of me I'm inside the sea. Full of everything And everything is empty Since really There is nothing Rays of sun in my eyes Rain running down my skin All is Some other day I would stay Today I'm ready to go Waiting for Some one Some thing To take me Still not moving I a wave Form passing materia Materia passing form Not a half Not yet whole Waiting a shore to crash on Things come Things go What stays No one to be Seen Heard Felt Felt it Near The heart That wasn't Mine last pages to cry cries cried last sighs last chances changes failing to fall fearing to fail so empty how you long to be free no to feel free self is the jail which is the gate to the freedom how I long to be free of your memory close my wings and fall even if you thought we lost it nothing is to be lost found missed all words all feelings all worlds ever present this is a present for all of us if this is not it it will never be A Paradise in no time Am vanished gone non-existent in no time was like others everyone else who asked who pleaded in no time forgotten never been never was no word from my mouth All as i predicted how clever claim your lies to be the only truth as I predicted but didn't believe myself such a wish that the world would not be as I see But I do can't escape from it On winter how easy it is miracles of god But be there for your summer and we will see how you will walk on water turn it to wine (inspiration: Jesu) now I am so very different not like it was back then when you saw me for the first time all said all cycles All repetation strange things we see looking into the eyes of another looking into own strange things we hear crumbling between the stones Strange things we feel in cage under shade strange things we are never to be filled like beats forward moving giving time I'll find mine I'll die trying give up want to give up want turned down back in out It's like it's like you heard me just never listened I heard, listened believed too much no words are to believed relating only to now relating to nothing for days waited rained four days to go on forth came anger frustration foul play behaviour unfair forseen but not trusted Ashes along the river bones upon the stones lost found never missing I'm not this is nothing here smoke after sunrise yet we all fall hour after hour like rain on steel roof drumming away the noise in our hearts Life is absent if there's no death if you run away from death you run away from life and there is nothing else than life thus nothing else than death nothing Appetite Never saw the mountains Glaciers long gone rivers run dry valleys turn to dust fine grained like me carbon copies repetitions replacements Fine Grained like me Nation? I do not know you Land that is owned piece of earth I call myself I am yours to take whenever you call for land that does not own river is the land tree is the land wind is the river bee is the tree how could anything be owned by something Doctrines No logic is needed here how could no self be born again Layer by layer peeled or build what is that rock or shred inside of a pearl the entity called self identity called me Slint gathering around isolated pearls we all are layer by layer pathway out and through clearly marked ending up same spot this way or that met you meet me meat me pathways up down middle I'm lost you're found asking questions helps only if the answers are honest don't lie to me my love lie with me hide form the sun a flower a beacon guidance lighting of the path no matter how we seek safety is nowhere to be seen relax and breathe a fire inside a water flows through a ground held up air... let me fly to see sun in your eyes Wind blowing off balance and orientation Seeking a way path to be safe hunted by clouds sun and rain day after day pray prey you see everything aligns up down just like it always did heartbeats touches glimpses of eternity everything lines up gives in Without the words there's no behind it's not hidden non present not seen in sight always Not a sunset not yet not quite no sundown not quite let me grow reach the sky from the earth Past the corner keep on moving this too will fade Time takes away everything Rejoice there is no choice we know yet we fight to be existing and not alive This too will fade and I was never born I will never die what stays alive Now, this is for you can be almost a think thought to be heard listened in between breaths and beats of fist or heart all it is is for you Truth in me on my lips it will not hurt gentle like waves honey to your ears truth no less travels is still in me like waves in the drop of an ocean like flowers bloomed then decayed or dried noise around clatter laughter tin cans like trees burned then blown the tree never became Ash the ash never was a tree Sun underneath the clouds hanging overhead I stack bones like stones lines over another Finished beginning strangely re assuring attached adhesive a tape a glue not for this wrong tool or platform lost now to continue eventhough Unlike any story before this one repeated just as it was heard before by some whom the memory did not serve at all got lost in it, on this hide and seek for fortunate sleep I guess it could be possible and happening told you this some time from beginning wrote a word stole a sight of... missed the call missed your face but the touch kept remaining long line mess made like all burned towards the dust In time on time been late for too long now we wait a bit more washed up on the shore Masses of water build me put on to the land look for the right places to rain... As I fall like a sunrise from the sea Gently drifting above the horizon and clouds Gathering speed towards the night heat towards the dark To not know a need, want or desire. To be truly free is to not exist You, is always bound free not to be I teach you things. what do you want to... learn? But if you know? Do you really need me? to tell you right wrong be better like this this way or that You do know can I affirm? Do you need my affirmation? I'll give you everything and with that I'll give you nothing I'll give you "detail" with that I'll give you everything and so I'll give you? Build yourself I'll help you as a mirror As something to fight against. something, against. Do not go along out of easiness Question, doubt. I'll never be right or wrong for you you are... Be your own guiding light Lighthouse, in the dark You feed me with your.... presence, voice touch image movement gestures emotions feelings I take it in. I'll take it in Do I want it or not I'll take it eat it and feed it back to you as presence voice laugh touch cry movement image, emotions feel it I saw you I will feed you with my image of you... You'll eat it, make the picture as part of you or Put the picture aside and compare yourself to it. Who's image are you? Mine? Yours? But by yourself you never are You are a picture of me and her and him. image of an image of an image Yourself 7th waveWhat is seventh?What is a wave? To be able to define the seventh wave I have to define a wave. I have to define a start. When does a wave start? Where does a wave start? What is a start? What is an end? When does an ocean start? Where does an ocean start? I can see the boundaries, but is a boundary same as a start? Where do I start? From skin? From hair, inwards? I'm living in a culture with a linear sense of time. It starts, it ends, or it goes on forever, both ways. If my concept of time would be cyclic how would I define a start, an end, seventh? When do I start? History repeats itself, but it doesn't go in cycles. It's the details that matter, and they do matter. History goes in waves, tides. How does a wave go? What is a wave? Does it consist both, the hill up and the hill down? The top and the bottom? And if it does or if it doesn't, where does it start and where does it end? Where is the point where one starts and the other one ends? To be there, alwaysHere we are, on a train again. Places pass by as well as time as well as thoughts. Do you ever wonder who lives in here, there, in all these small places where the train stops. Places that don't mean anything to you, just distance poles on your journey, but to someone it's home.It's nice to look at people, getting off the train. Some know exactly where they're heading, alone, sour, happy, thoughtful. Some look puzzled as they weren't sure is this the right place. They look worried, even, until their face lightens up to a smile. The whole of their being changes as they see the one, or the ones for whom they've come or to whom they're returning to. The time changes, little by little. Now I've been traveling this six hour trip more or less frequently for four years. Now, a trip of hour or two on a train doesn't seem long at all, even this 6 hour trip doesn't feel long for the most of the times. I know it is. Have you noticed how your mind and thoughts and feelings change when you're making the space between one place to another? Of course I don't know about you, but mine does, change. The weather, the whole atmosphere of myself changes. And it isn't related to the place I'm leaving. And it isn't related to the place I'm going, heading, necessarily. It's related to the journey itself, the change from one place to another, from one time to another, either way. To me, it's difficult to be happy in anywhere. How do you usually travel? Train is so different from a car. In a car it depends who is driving and if it's me, how am I driving. Are you as relaxed in a car as in a train, or ship, or airplane, I might ask? Sometimes it's awful to sit in a car. All the other cars passing, going, moving and do I trust the driver? Am I sure he or she will notice every moving thing? Am I willing to stay passive, passenger? In a train I don't feel I have much choice, and most of the time you see houses and trees and sky and sun and night and light and things that are close but far enough. On those six hour trips usually it's just me who is moving. Or not me, train, train is moving. Here's a game to play: When you know you're approaching a station or a stop, close your eyes. Tell me, you, him, her, when you've stopped, in relation to the ground. Then tell me, you, her, him, the moment when you start to move again. How do you move? Sometimes trains stop and take off so easily, gently. Sometimes they don't. Everybody knows this: You have another train by your side, and it moves? Or maybe it's you and the other one is still? Or maybe you're still and the other one is moving? Close your eyes. Keep them open. do you move? Moving... Travel... Thoughts... Time... They all have relations, connections, comparisons, without them, they do not exist. If this thought doesn't relate to anything, it does not exist. It's simple, right? There's a difference, 500 kilometers, six hours, a lot of different stops and starts in a lot of different places. Different weather, different people, different mood. If places, where we stay, do change us, how much traveling does, change, me or you or me and you or him or her, us? Do you feel yourself changing? Do you... feel... change? It's important. Are you alone or not? Even this train is crammed, I'm alone. I do not know you, or anybody here. I do not relate. Except in time and place, space. But if we do, and we do, relate in time and space, in this train, how can I be sure that we don't relate also in thoughts? We share the time, we share the distances, some shorter, some longer, and we are alone? Do we share thoughts? Something funny happens, you laugh and you hear others laughter and right then you share the thought, idea, or just a glimpse of it. And we are not alone, we are together, maybe just a second or two, but we, who are laughing, are together. With friends I'm not alone if I have the courage to share, and with friends it shouldn't need courage, anymore. I wasn't there for you. I am here for you. I won't be there for you. That's how it goes, we travel. To be there, always, doesn't need planning. It can help, but it can also make things more difficult since, plan is a plan, plan is not what happens. To be there, always... Close your eyes Keep them open Do you move? Right, left, it's best to forget Left, right, I might as well die Right, wrong, you got to hold on Wrong, right, let's stop for tonight White, black, please carry me back Black, white, no reason to fight Do, don't, damn right I won't Don't, do, are we always such fools Stop, rewind, you can call it a crime Rewind, stop, let your eyelids drop Wake up, goodnight, the time goes flying Goodnight, wake up, I remember you not. We are defined by our sex, it's the first question people ask. And usually we're seen as a boy or a girl, straight from the born, not as a child. And our sex is boosted, by little things. No blue for a girl, no red for a boy. It's also to make people recognize more easily, she or he. And if you dress a baby in pink, most people will automatically assume that he's a girl. And maybe after two or three months of correcting every day "actually, he's a boy" you would get fed up and dress him in blue instead. How much the sex/sexuality defines who I am? What can you find out by knowing am I male or female, straight or gay? Time, Space, Agony I have nothing to do with anything. I do not relate right now. No empathy, well, there never have been much of it.
I'm living in a state of a constant dying, some parts of me die every second. I'm also in a state of a constant born, new ideas, new cells born, evolve and die. I'm in a state of a constant, continuous change. I'm not the same me I was year ago, month ago, week ago, day ago hour ago, minute ago, second ago, Still I continue staying me, every second. We are living in a world of choices. Every second we make a choice or several of them. There's no such things as "must" or "have to" I have always an option, another choice. And since all of my choices are made by me, I'm also responsible of every one of them. This is terrifying. That's why most of us want to forget the reality and make one of their own where "must" and "have to" exists. That's why most of us wants and needs a strong leader. We want someone to decide for us. We want to get away of our responsibility. |
||||
writings
|