English
Finnish
Wavetales
i guess i could tell you things
of earth, of year
Rain falls and sundowns
clocks that don't set
but stay true
i guess i tried
to wait and whisper
give time for the light
to rest in the dark
Balancing on thin ice
layers of shattered glass
encompassing all that I can
all that I could
i guess you could tell me things
And i guess
i would listen
A company
Let me walk with you
for a while
for a life
Hear the words
dropping out of your mouth
into my ear
My arms your skin
telling who i am
what we could be
let me tell you
how we have been
what did we do
just now, again
see with my words
create the real
What is the world?
Returning to me
Casting it shadows
As I cast mine
Hearing these words
Songs of the birds
Waves on the shore
How do we
go on
casting the armours
around our hearts
How do I
live from love
trust in all
fall away from fear
How it goes
that again and again
I fail to make you happy
or make myself
whole
do I or do i not
want
need
love
anyone
anymore
anything
How it goes
that again and again
I leave try to leave
you to be
who you are
I though
think
passed
through
Layers
of skin and doubt
waiting, asking
that maybe
it's not
not
not
An empty page
Full of promises
new, hint of hope
At times I'm filled
all the way to the marginals
thoughts cluttered
running out of my eyes
not full
getting ready
to finish
everything
not yet
not quite
maybe
in forty years
It's not
this that
which whatever
It's
this those
these words
breaths between
the notes
Keys
black and white
fitting but not
making a sound
hear it
not this that
which who ever
is making these words
not moving
one phase
after repeat
phase a piece
pulse
everafter
Money comes
it goes
exchange collaborate
we all melt together
neither from status
nor from direction
how do you relate to
hierarchies
very unbureucratic
funding on project
How we work
as production
a winter
a month
to go by
Anything else
but theory
Are there
is these
the questions
you
your side
needs to know
Start
when did you
notice direction
places to hide
from daylight
to sunlight
to moonlight
from the dark
end
When did you
pay attention
it's no longer here
or maybe
it never was
notice
when did you?
No go
I wish that
you would
find me finally
It's not that
I would be waiting
but...
I think I am
your lips
on my neck
my fingertips
on your collarbone
Not knowing
but pretending
to be here
Is this the time
Is this the day
when you
will
finally
arrive
clouds after the rain
time that we take
to come to
understanding
and I never understand
how can we
in this tremendous wealth
let others die
out of hunger
out of care
count the coins
hide the cash
money is nothing
except agreement
and I don't want to agree
yet can't find my way out
lack of bravery
Rain in the morning
fresh water that falls
runs in rivers
how could anyone
own what is given to us all
understanding, a lack
For now
I stay silent
Still as the heat
On a day with no wind
Not resting
Nothing being
Created or destroyed
Nothing being
At all
And elsewhere
Progress marches onwards
Eventually destroying and creating
itself, others
Watch it rise
See it fall
At the end of A day
For now
Stay silent
Holy or whole
to be holy is to be whole
or to be whole is to be
everything imaginable
truth and lies
death and birth
dying and living
I don't become
whole
either the whole is
whole or it isn't
holiness don't become
neither do halos
ascend
descend
no middle
no end
either it is
or it isn't
and how
this would not be it?
Like, as if
I didn't hear the words
heard everything but
i do not understand
and it's not the language
it's the sense
pieces clicking
creating meaning s
building pictures
and they don't form
not now, not for me
a mess of emotions that
i cannot relate or disconnect
I wish I was over over it, this
Independence
interdependence
Inter
Intra
All in
All in
As i try
as if i wouldn't mind
as if i wouldn't feel hurt
eventhough there's nothing to hurt
storm, colliding waters
under the dark
i imagine reasons and relations
but i don't
understand or control
Love, amor, love
used so many times, in so many meanings that i don't know
did they ever mean anything
just forces
and no signs to read them
Under the dark
This that is
is
there's no way
to hold it, to have it
in this, in that
even to understand
like and as if
giving examples what it reminds, feels alike
similarities and comparisons
never this that is
this is
is
be
exists?
even this that doesn't exist
is
Let go of me
it's time to leave
In no time
Blossoms fall
stems grow
In no time
I remember
time
of every step
every beat of the heart
I tend to forget
I remember the card
but not you
or the time
of me receiving
or you receiving me
time, destroys all
builds it up
true being
left on it's own
Just like me
forgotten in the wind
with the taste of salt
This part I hold dear
so close that it becomes
it is me
This part I...
Uneasiness in grieving
uneasiness in...
I am uneasy sitting here with you
without you
fingers missing the sking to touch
missing being touched
to change, but not completely
nothing at all is stable
true being
not even nothing itself
flicker of an eye
a flame
a picture
heat me up
(he) says shivering
How to let go without
sadness
When I am happy
?
How to let go of the hopes
I don't know existing
wishes not recognised
Let everything be
all over
without escaping
without
Hours pass
I'm afraid that
all that has happened
happens again
And I don't know
how to stop it
Is there a switch?
Internal sun
or tide
that can be turned
I don't want you to be anything
else
than you
I wish you to be happy
and happier than without me
and yet
I know not
how to
when I am
like I am
as I am
what I am
I cut these thigs to pieces
Old and used
To make something new
Languages
we share
we don't
what is to understand
Take this
Hand or a kiss
Stones and feathers
Signs, all the same
Distances
Space and time
Difference
Either here or far
Waiting
Joyfully
Things will always
Change
And stay the same
Who you are now
I know not
I love you
Nevertheless
I stitch these pieces to things
Rearranged
And new again
Evening, rain
Lights shimmering
from the asphalt
Somewhere far
under my fingers
I still can feel
Your skin
A rain
A memory
A wish
Your lips
Somewhere
Too far
From mine
What is a sign
Detached
From the thing
It signifies
Kisses and caresses
Smiles and laughter
Trying to make them
empty of meaning
But my will
Or belief
Is not
Strong enough
Signs of love
Pretending
That they are
Not what they are
Kisses, caresses
Gentle words
Tips of the fingers
Signs
Detached
Yet
Full of love
Long gone
but not so silent
as if not to hear
between the words
above the sentences
audible in every breath
Long gone
but we do remember
even if
we try our best
to forget and not to recall
push away from being
wait for a while
see how the rivers run
until they have emptied into the oceans
how leafs grow dry fall decay
sun sets and breath grows slower
wait for a while
at times i wonder
how on earth
we have survived so long
on this earth?
and how come
the human can even be
claimed to have
an intellect?
i guess
I should stay away
from message boards
if I wanting to keep
the remnants
of hope
and belief
that this kin of mine
will survive
Days
thoughts of
Vague memories
of your laughter
All these things
that we carry
around our hearts
as a shelter
an armour
a wall
Weeks of not hearing
how alone we are
in the midst of
noise
laughter
and love
not this
not that
senses, perception
the multiplicity of
good and evil
nothing pure
except being
render reality
dress up with language
hard shapes
distinct polarities
non being
not this
not that
being a non-being
yet weeds grow
and flowers decay
If there would be change to escape
but the action affirms
no escape
embrace
time to resign
throw thoughts to the floor
ideals out of the window
repeat that nothing is lost
repeat that nothing is gained
and everything
as always
is given
most of us
I included
are just incapable
of giving it forward
letting it pass
time to resign
stupid games
of wealth and power
I wish that I could
not that I wouldn't worry
not that I wouldn't care
not that I wouldn't
be grateful
and I repeat
I'm done striving
as I wish that I would
And I repeat
after
forever
groundless thoughts
faltered patterns
findings so old
understanding settless
drifting pieces
towards the floor
of the forest
of the ocean
Sediments
sentiments
filling me in
blocking the view
taking my breath
understanding
through the old
rendering the new
into something
already known
And I repeat
a thought
a word
a movement
a motion
contructing the now
places where we haven't been
places we always were
emotion
in motion
severed from the world
drifting towards
the oceans floor
Not one
not two
no one knew
What would
and what will
only you
with your
eyes blue
asking for truth
Somehow all of it, this
Expires
by the time
Reached, grasped
and lost
Becomings beginnings
Endings never ending
Stop
Streched thin
words upon truth
friends in dinstance
skin on bones
Time for the making
and you stretch it
more
As if to see how long
there's anything
left to save
call back
hear from
wrap around you heart
Stretched thin
as to see through
Would it be easier
Or just different
if i would not
but i do
Could it be
for a second
a breath
a living thing
Should it be
left alone
given time
bloom and grow
just the same
a bit different
letting everything
gently unfold
Fall
fell over us
not suddenly
unknowing
Slowly the days grow darker
we wait for the turn
it seems too long
the time
we let it pass
law after law
case after case
Ask yourself
as i ask me
what are you afraid of?
the day comes
hopefully soon
when the answer
is nothing
nothing at all
At peace
not with world
not without it
nothing is
as it is
such as it is
No nature to run to
no forces of predictability
surprises all along
the way that never was
about to
lead nowhere
wait for no one
standing still
next to an edge
ridge
trees
oceans above
fleeing forever
withdrawn
such as it is
At peace
stepping aside
nothing behind
the present crumbling
stones, tiles
wood, bones, sheets of shining metal
cascading, colliding
slowly forming the way
To walk on
ever arriving
towards the future
nothing to be done
all the steps taken
standing still
carried forward
the night, the sun
another moon
clear paths, coming years
can almost hear today
the future arranged
not planned
To say things simply
quick words
short sentences
no elaboration
everything coded to
a common language
and it becomes
uncommon or
not good enough
To read things simply
adding nothing
not understanding at all
not referring to any past
any future
only the words themselves
resonating
finding their way
tickling, dying
sinking in
All of the notes
little things
described
scribbled
drafted not written
Travelled around
scattered
thrown in the wind
thrown in the river
Swallowed
not as an
whole
Pieces of memory
recollections
like shattered glass
so sharp
as to cut
open
Dissect
separate
meat off the bones
good off the bad
Piles around the yard
forgotten
left to decompose
How the world works
this way or that
pours it's words into me
beliefs and expectancies
How the time turns
a tree from a seed
a cycles around
a clock or a sun
How am I
after a failure
too many thoughts
little less feelings
How is it
now, before
when you don't yet know
nothing at all
This is being told
in words, sentences
plans, pictures
laid out
on the floor
around the tables
This is being, silence(d)
not making a notion
not planning to live
This is being untold
lost in the noise
and chatter
underneath the weight of the world
Light glimpses
movement of an eye
twist of the mouth
slowly closing
This is being revealed
not that it was hidden
not that it was lost
not that it was
At the end
energy runs through
drives outside in
veins skin marrow
Almost touching
Hitting hard
no pavement
slippery floor
Timing, time
rhythm, though thinking.
through the middle of the brain.
Somewhere, people dying
And us, surrounded by this beauty
moving in, moving out, dying.
No cries here, no laughs, no nothing.
All of this I owe to you
never born never dead.
everpresent
Morning
Clouds pouring over the hills
Rising sun
With open walls
Aural
Drones and dominions
5 minutes
From one end to another
guiding my fall
I try to count beats
Ambience of oriental
Turns into drones
Even for us
Jules plays
On the otherside
Been here before
Different times
Different places
Here again
Almost everything
Collaged into this
Time for next change
Endings
Transitions
Heavy lids in the morning
Rays make their way
Skin
Touch
Kisses
Maybe we'll see again
All passes
Smiles
Tears
All over again
Last night
At last
Orange light
Old cushions
Ready
But it's not time to leave
Yet
Fading voices
Trees against
Darkening sky
Last night
At last
Tomorrow
Another
At night
Steady drone of crickets
Laugh from the neighbours
Steps on the gravel
Breathing of dogs
Everything
Almost in peace
Wine and olives
Talk and wonders
How nothing
Seems to be in peace
Days worn out
And we are finally resting
War roaming
Else if not far
All my dances
For those who die(d) in vain
If not for peace
Everlasting
Dying takes time
After we see
How beautifully
You're designed
As am I
Everything connected
Into pieces
Blades of knives and axe
Slightly later
Fried blood
kidney and brain
Shared plate
I wonder
The shortly felt nausea
Straight from gut
Not thought
Curiosity
Could I do the same
At the end
energy runs through
drives outside in
veins skin marrow
Almost touching
Hitting hard
no pavement
slippery floor
Timing, time
rhythm, though thinking
through the middle of the brain
Somewhere, people dying
And us, surrounded by this beauty
moving in, moving out, dying
No cries here, no laughs, no nothing
All of this I owe to you
never born never dead
everpresent
Tried and lost
pieces
fractions
seconds
finding their way
deeper into darkness
All of the currency
we call time
Every cell screaming
stop
enough
No more
not in my name
not in my head
no
enough
deeper into darkness
Time for exchange
Time for next change
Time for
We're given
but all space is taken
sold out to someone
to sell us
things and thoughts
bits and pieces
I gather mine from the floor
where they laid broken
Throw around
all sides of
the world
you just have to
no matter what
happens
what are
the consequences
After all
all that fails
fails
after givel time
given space
I wait for your words
I'll wait for the day
when we would finally say
enough
or too much
So full of longing
the last pages of the book
the last beats of a heart
So full of knowing
is it you?
finally?
I've been given so much
but I want more to give
Will i accept you
will you accept me
to look and laugh and love
to grow
even if not doing anything
at all
i want to love
Please wake up
did you think
or feel
right
think
to do
to say
Please wake up
it's time
almost too late
now
I wish
I think
I though I wished
someone, something
going to fullfill
dreams of me
to understand that
I am not empty
a vessel
no form
nothing to be
empty of
Everything
is full of
everything
Always
everything
here
now
good
hope
all
great
happy
belief
not lost
not lost at all
not not
around
always here
but what is here
all and nothing
all and everything
time being
a place
being
not here, not this
not not
always
But...?
I do
miss, like always
and I am not sure
is it really you
or what is represented
how could I
how you could
again
questions after questions
falling through
the screen
note
clear sound of
beginning
towards
the end of days
Eyes
smile
a presence
the easiness
ease
lay my head
on your belly
your laugh
in my ears
So much
is empty
otherwise
all is full
in me
in here
in the pictures
we see
to share
everything I was given
I give myself to you, enough
Knowing
is the trick
But I do
know
I just refuse
to believe
that I do
do you
know the same as me?
how our future will be
Knowing much is not all
After a while
you call me
i call you
write the words
out of love
out of longing
after a while
I know
and you should
even if
late, not earlier
after a while
i am
on your skin
All is good
sweating
pouring through
almost like rain
you are
i am
and soon
or a bit later
we will see
feel what was
what is
Now
All is good
I wish
my every though
contains you
eyes floating
behind mine
swimming
in the marrow
of my bones
surround
from the inside
here and not here
but in everything
Worth
of knowing
the light
the dark
the green
the brown
the sea
the salt
the fresh lakes
the earth under
the shores to leave
and crash on
the smile
the tears
and the lasting laughter
your eyes
looking into mine
Who greets who? me the morning
the morning me
cold lights after the sun
Always giving
too much at times
another day of the
same play
Shifting from tragedy
to comedy
and back again
see how we go
in circles
Erased
crossed over
undone
after a while
all builds up
all comes down
all will
all
way up
stay still
still waiting
all
Not the slightest doubt
that I would be
wrong or stupid
amazing
amazement
that we got
even this far
a helping
thoughts recomposed
All is given away
freely
So why do we
struggle
Yard of a
kindergarden
Yard of a
Asylum
Me, mine, me, mine
why should we
survive
how can we
survive
when committing
suicide
How
helping to
carry the food
of ramadan
Taking the childs
hand or a picture
painting all of
what needs to be painted
you are so
beautiful
No time
lost
given
away for nothing
at all
doubled back
all my thoughts
for you
and all of us
for no one
for nothing
Give me
heart
Not long ago
feared
Not so
long ago
Token of my good faith
Love and loyalty
Long ago
Blessed with all the knowledge
taken
or received
in good faith
Dull
pain like
in my belly
below my ribs
eating
not eaten
finding it's way
breathing my air
You see
just still
not anything
moving
at all
at last
on off
on top
anything
at all
moving
at last
If I sleep
Repeat
a day
night
full, new
wave
Repeat
form passing
nothing passing
a wave
Repeated
years
tides
turns
No shore
I wanted
to see
Love
Loved
A Lot
Lost
Locked
Love
not
Lost
I love
Bones after
bones
Drawn
pulled
out of mixture
of mind and muscle
Shake and rattle
Bones
after bones
When the blood has dried
Sandblasted
Hearts and heads
Hurts and misses
One day
Out of ten
One night
Out of nothing
And not a romance
I know I don't know
What's there
Behind this
But a memory
It's all insane
The world
The biggest fiction of all
Rationality
Sanity
To be sane
In the world
Not to be normal
No one knows
What it is
But some of us know
That it's not this
Not in my name
Not in my words
If I was asked (and I wasn't)
I gave no permissions
But I can't leave myself out
Dominions
Places to go
Places to own
Thrones
After thrones
of empty air
and false promises
We were
We are
Victim s
Innocent s
Our right s
For too long
Thrones dominions
Laid to ruins
Almost like
whole
Nothing missing
Nothing to add
Almost like
Everything would
Have fallen into
the right place
Almost like
I could hear a laugh
and I'm not here
Almost like
All the tears would have
Turned into rivers
Almost like
No world is here
And no nothing
Almost like
Almost
Thick hair
Touch of grey
A wolf
Gentle
Strong
Gliding above
Earth barely touching
I walk beside
Thoughts and stories
Decayed buildings
Your eyes into mine
You
Shining with
A smile
So I leave it be
without
within
as long as
no matter what
or why
it won't
so I leave it be
untouched
unheard
as long as
nothing goes through
or is taken
considered
again
I leave it be
I know
it will be
but I'm tired
and disbeliefed
I leave it
I leave
leave
For too long
You've been following
Your imaginary heart
For too long
You've been blaming
Your imaginary head
Dividing beings into things
Being into beings
Ends and beginnings
Making things
But denying the doing
And i can't see
I made this
This made me
Change
Same thing
Different scale
Fight war
Kiss love
Nothing changes at all
Endless loops
Of repetation
Spheres and circles
Learnt and forgotten
Less than generation
All over again
It's written
It's been written
It was written
But it seems that
No one really read
A Spiral
Ends
Tell me
What there is to do
With people
Following orders
Responsibility
Is always yours
No matter who gave and who said
Forget your country
Forget your language
Forget your leaders
Until we stop creating ourselves through others
Wars will be fought
Identity
Individuality
Who built me
or was I left to grow?
How can I
Denounce myself
piece after piece
not finnish
no age
no gender
not old
not man
not son
not left
not dancer
not
what is left?
When was it
that I started to tell stories to myself?
What was
What would be
Will be
When was it
that there was nothing
else except what truly was?
Truly we are not
without others
Truly we are not
Alone
Truly we are
not
There is no importance in the world
What created mine?
If we weren't so afraid
radical changes would be possible
Fear needs power
Over others
Over life
Is it possible for this being
to not to be afraid?
If there's no fear
is there still being?
what should be taken care of?
Things destroyed
Rendered into nothing
Thoughts taken from the past
Other heads
Other times
Breath keeps flowing
Today tomorrow
How is it what you call life?
One step at a time
Not knowing what to say
Or who it would be
saying
Not being silent
because it's not what is there
Time
place
forget
if ever
Uneven
Unbalanced
Asymmetry
Building
Buildings
I cannot
And I don't want
Build you
or myself
I would rather see you grow
Best of my abilities
All the noise
Loud
Full of life
Making themselves reality
Declaring
Thinking of the forests
In the north
No sound but the wind
yet everything
Fully alive
Strive for clarity
Whole sentences
Solid words
Something to make sense of
Continuation and causality
World is a view
Even if i spelled
Everything out loud
You still wouldn't understand
Memories
Colliding
Shifting
Merging
Into others
Until i don't know
When
Where
Whom
Was i
Am i
And who are you
Give me your hand
Time
Walking past the market place
Shops and houses
Little streets curving
Old walls slowly growing
Sky here is more blue
With the Cathedral against it
Ice cream, squares with lights
And me
Slowly crumbling
Another word
late responce
responded
Action where words would do better
Words where action was hoped for
Thought
Out of curiosity
Seemingly innocent
And now I know
How all
and everything
fades off
then shines again
cycles, pulses
At times
I feel yours
Beating
with the world
beating
of wings
beating
again
faint smiles
for the days we passed
I draw lines
Around you
Circles, archs
Thoughts of weight
Touch with lightness
Making me real
On the eyes of the other
I draw lines
Around
Myself, you
Making us real
In the eyes of each other
Circles, archs, round motions
Ever returning
Back to the start
I think
It's your scent
Makes me
Wishing to kiss your neck
I think
It's the memory
Of your eyes
Which bound me into
I think
I feel
Thoughs turned
Pebbles, underneath
Slowly sliding, a mass
Covering, all the earth
Stones turned
Underneath, nothing
All in the open
Filling up the skies
A step taken
Between the past and coming
Hardly hidden
It's always here
Thoughts burned
Rose up the skies
It is all empty
And so full of life
It passes
Everything
Days so long
Months so short
Soon it's winter
Soon i'm here again
Soon it's over
Soon it will begin
Now
Slowly turning earth
Slowly turning thoughts
Listen
I hear
The trees
Leaving their leaves
Huge span of wings
High up in the sky
How could I
Not admire
Hours away
You turn your head
Close your eyes
And dream
Today
I feel tired
Of days, hours
Being alone
Being alive
Looking for...
And i know
No one will make me happy
But me
And i know
What i long for
Tomorrow
Today
Now.
I guess i'm fading
Away from you
Drifting slowly further
Until your body doesn't remember
The weight of mine
Memory of you
Inside
Everpresent
Tiredness washes over me
Will I learn to sleep
Another week
Some same
Half different
Enjoying the time
Yet a part waits
To see
Again your eyes
To no beat
We move
Working together
Sliding through
Falling down
Suddenly supported
How I love
Meeting you again
My friend
Voice so
Dark soft gentle
Eyes closing
Dropping into slumber
Last words not as words but
Kisses, kisses, kisses
Your skin
On my breath
Night
We wait for the turn
In peace
Nothing to be done
All happens
A dance
A drink
A laugh
Until
Sleep washes
Over me
Rain seems
To wash away
All that was thought
To be me
Wheels
Downhills
Ride up
Surrounded
Water pouring
From within
From above
All of it
All of this
The days changing
Us with them
Squeeze my hand
Touch my lips
Signs of life
Throught the city
One train to another
A Car
Throught mountains
Fields golden
Green trees
Moon
Round with clouds
Becoming slowly
A memory
Yesterday
Not to go
Everything moves
Effort extended
Sound
Of a falling
Leaves
Thoughts
Felt
Ripeness
Turns to decay
To move
World is still
Year of no summer
Yet it's warm here
Inside my head
Inside my veins
Small pebbles under my feet
A steady rock
(K)now
(K)now not
I know
Up north
The sun will hit you harder
Down here
Only the warmth of strangers smile
Unpretending
I wish
I'm done striving
All that it takes
A day
An hour
All that it takes
A word
A touch
Some day soon
Complain
Concepts
But the things you hold
Dear
Freedom
Love
Spontaneity
All concepts
Nothing more
You'll
Never reach
Unreachable
Took the hope
That was left
With claimed love
hope springs eternal
Never
To fall again
How soon
Will be
All Gone
Tremors running through
me or the earth
shaking things loose
places, connections
Am i sick or healing?
Morning
Faint trace
Spring tides
Brings light
Everything growing
Day by day
I vanish
More
Into the brightness
Of the sun
After the sweat
Sea
After the sea sweat
Salt mixing salt
In cold
In heat
Sea is coming out of me
I'm inside the sea.
Full of everything
And everything is empty
Since really
There is nothing
Rays of sun
in my eyes
Rain running down my skin
All is
Some other day
I would stay
Today
I'm ready to go
Waiting for
Some one
Some thing
To take me
Still not moving
I
a wave
Form passing materia
Materia passing form
Not a half
Not yet whole
Waiting
a shore to crash on
Things come
Things go
What stays
No one to be
Seen
Heard
Felt
Felt it
Near
The heart
That wasn't
Mine
last pages
to cry
cries
cried
last sighs
last chances
changes
failing to fall
fearing to fail
so empty
how you long
to be free
no
to feel free
self is the jail
which is the gate
to the freedom
how I long
to be free
of your memory
close my wings
and fall
even if you thought
we lost it
nothing is to be
lost
found
missed
all words
all feelings
all worlds
ever present
this is a present
for all of us
if this is not it
it will never be
A Paradise
in no time
Am vanished
gone
non-existent
in no time
was like others
everyone else
who asked
who pleaded
in no time
forgotten
never been
never was
no word
from my mouth
All
as i predicted
how clever
claim your lies
to be the only truth
as I predicted
but didn't believe myself
such a wish
that the world
would not be
as I see
But I do
can't escape
from it
On winter
how easy it is
miracles of god
But be there
for your summer
and we will see
how you will
walk on water
turn it to wine
(inspiration: Jesu)
now
I am
so very different
not like
it was back then
when you saw me
for the first time
all said
all cycles
All repetation
strange things we see
looking into the eyes
of another
looking into own
strange things we hear
crumbling
between the stones
Strange things we feel
in cage
under shade
strange things
we are
never to be filled
like beats
forward
moving
giving time
I'll find mine
I'll die trying
give up
want to
give up
want
turned
down
back
in
out
It's like
it's like
you heard me
just never listened
I heard, listened
believed
too much
no words
are to believed
relating
only to now
relating to nothing
for days
waited
rained
four days
to go on
forth came
anger
frustration
foul play
behaviour
unfair
forseen
but not trusted
Ashes along the river
bones upon the stones
lost
found
never missing
I'm not
this is
nothing
here
smoke
after sunrise
yet we all fall
hour after hour
like rain on steel roof
drumming
away
the noise in our hearts
Life is absent
if there's no death
if you run away from death
you run away from life
and there is nothing else than life
thus nothing else than death
nothing
Appetite
Never saw the mountains
Glaciers
long gone
rivers run dry
valleys turn to dust
fine grained
like me
carbon copies
repetitions
replacements
Fine Grained
like me
Nation?
I do not know you
Land that is owned
piece of earth
I call myself
I am yours to take
whenever you call for
land that does not own
river is the land
tree is the land
wind is the river
bee is the tree
how could anything be owned by something
Doctrines
No logic
is needed
here
how could
no self
be born again
Layer by layer
peeled or build
what is that rock or shred
inside of a pearl
the entity called self
identity
called me
Slint
gathering around
isolated
pearls
we all are
layer by layer
pathway
out and through
clearly marked
ending up
same spot
this way or that
met you
meet me
meat me
pathways
up down
middle
I'm lost
you're found
asking questions
helps only if the answers are honest
don't lie to me my love
lie with me
hide form the sun
a flower
a beacon
guidance
lighting of the path
no matter
how we seek
safety
is nowhere to be seen
relax and breathe
a fire
inside
a water
flows
through
a ground
held up
air...
let me fly
to see
sun in your eyes
Wind blowing
off balance and orientation
Seeking a way
path to be safe
hunted by clouds
sun and rain
day after day
pray prey
you see
everything
aligns up
down
just like
it always
did
heartbeats
touches
glimpses
of eternity
everything
lines up
gives in
Without the words
there's no behind
it's not hidden
non present
not seen
in sight
always
Not a sunset
not yet
not quite
no sundown
not quite
let me grow
reach the sky
from the earth
Past the corner
keep on moving
this too will fade
Time takes away everything
Rejoice
there is no choice
we know
yet we fight
to be existing
and not alive
This too will fade
and I was never born
I will never die
what stays alive
Now,
this is for you
can be
almost
a think
thought
to be heard
listened
in between
breaths
and beats
of fist or heart
all it is
is for you
Truth
in me
on my lips
it will not hurt
gentle like
waves
honey to your ears
truth
no less
travels
is still
in me
like waves
in the drop
of an ocean
like flowers
bloomed then
decayed or
dried
noise around
clatter
laughter
tin cans
like trees
burned then blown
the tree never became
Ash
the ash never was a tree
Sun
underneath
the clouds
hanging overhead
I stack
bones
like
stones
lines
over
another
Finished
beginning
strangely
re assuring
attached
adhesive
a tape
a glue
not for this
wrong tool
or platform
lost now
to continue
eventhough
Unlike
any story
before
this one repeated
just as it was
heard before
by some whom
the memory did
not serve at all
got lost in it, on this
hide and seek
for fortunate
sleep
I guess it could be
possible and happening
told you this
some time
from beginning
wrote a word
stole a sight
of...
missed the call
missed your face
but the touch
kept remaining
long line
mess made
like all burned
towards the dust
In time
on time
been late
for too long
now we wait
a bit more
washed up
on the shore
Masses of water
build me
put on to the land
look for the right
places to rain...
As I fall
like a sunrise
from the sea
Gently drifting
above the horizon
and clouds
Gathering speed
towards the night
heat
towards the dark
To not know
a need, want
or desire.
To be truly free
is to not exist
You, is always bound
free not to be
I teach you things.
what do you want to...
learn?
But if you know?
Do you really need me?
to tell you
right wrong
be better
like this
this way or that
You do know
can I affirm?
Do you need my affirmation?
I'll give you everything
and with that I'll give you nothing
I'll give you "detail"
with that I'll give you everything
and so I'll give you?
Build yourself
I'll help you as a mirror
As something to fight against.
something, against.
Do not go along out of easiness
Question, doubt.
I'll never be right
or wrong for you
you are... Be your own
guiding light
Lighthouse,
in the dark
You feed me
with your....
presence, voice
touch
image
movement
gestures
emotions
feelings
I take it in.
I'll take it in
Do I want it or not
I'll take it
eat it
and feed it back to you
as presence
voice
laugh
touch
cry
movement
image, emotions
feel it
I saw you
I will feed you with my image of you...
You'll eat it, make the picture as part of you
or
Put the picture aside and
compare yourself to it.
Who's image are you?
Mine?
Yours?
But by yourself you never are
You are a picture of me and her and him.
image
of an image of an image
Yourself
7th wave
What is seventh?What is a wave?
To be able to define the seventh wave I have to define a wave.
I have to define a start.
When does a wave start?
Where does a wave start?
What is a start?
What is an end?
When does an ocean start?
Where does an ocean start?
I can see the boundaries, but is a boundary same as a start?
Where do I start?
From skin? From hair, inwards?
I'm living in a culture with a linear sense of time. It starts, it ends, or it goes on forever, both ways.
If my concept of time would be cyclic how would I define a start, an end, seventh?
When do I start?
History repeats itself, but it doesn't go in cycles.
It's the details that matter, and they do matter.
History goes in waves, tides.
How does a wave go?
What is a wave?
Does it consist both, the hill up and the hill down?
The top and the bottom?
And if it does or if it doesn't, where does it start and where does it end?
Where is the point where one starts and the other one ends?
To be there, always
Here we are, on a train again. Places pass by as well as time as well as thoughts. Do you ever wonder who lives in here, there, in all these small places where the train stops. Places that don't mean anything to you, just distance poles on your journey, but to someone it's home.It's nice to look at people, getting off the train. Some know exactly where they're heading, alone, sour, happy, thoughtful. Some look puzzled as they weren't sure is this the right place. They look worried, even, until their face lightens up to a smile. The whole of their being changes as they see the one, or the ones for whom they've come or to whom they're returning to.
The time changes, little by little. Now I've been traveling this six hour trip more or less frequently for four years. Now, a trip of hour or two on a train doesn't seem long at all, even this 6 hour trip doesn't feel long for the most of the times. I know it is.
Have you noticed how your mind and thoughts and feelings change when you're making the space between one place to another? Of course I don't know about you, but mine does, change. The weather, the whole atmosphere of myself changes. And it isn't related to the place I'm leaving. And it isn't related to the place I'm going, heading, necessarily. It's related to the journey itself, the change from one place to another, from one time to another, either way.
To me, it's difficult to be happy in anywhere.
How do you usually travel? Train is so different from a car. In a car it depends who is driving and if it's me, how am I driving. Are you as relaxed in a car as in a train, or ship, or airplane, I might ask? Sometimes it's awful to sit in a car. All the other cars passing, going, moving and do I trust the driver? Am I sure he or she will notice every moving thing? Am I willing to stay passive, passenger?
In a train I don't feel I have much choice, and most of the time you see houses and trees and sky and sun and night and light and things that are close but far enough. On those six hour trips usually it's just me who is moving. Or not me, train, train is moving.
Here's a game to play: When you know you're approaching a station or a stop, close your eyes. Tell me, you, him, her, when you've stopped, in relation to the ground. Then tell me, you, her, him, the moment when you start to move again. How do you move? Sometimes trains stop and take off so easily, gently. Sometimes they don't.
Everybody knows this: You have another train by your side, and it moves? Or maybe it's you and the other one is still? Or maybe you're still and the other one is moving?
Close your eyes.
Keep them open.
do you move?
Moving...
Travel...
Thoughts...
Time...
They all have relations, connections, comparisons, without them, they do not exist.
If this thought doesn't relate to anything, it does not exist.
It's simple, right?
There's a difference, 500 kilometers, six hours, a lot of different stops and starts in a lot of different places. Different weather, different people, different mood.
If places, where we stay, do change us, how much traveling does, change, me or you or me and you or him or her, us? Do you feel yourself changing? Do you... feel... change?
It's important.
Are you alone or not? Even this train is crammed, I'm alone. I do not know you, or anybody here.
I do not relate. Except in time and place, space.
But if we do, and we do, relate in time and space, in this train, how can I be sure that we don't relate also in thoughts? We share the time, we share the distances, some shorter, some longer, and we are alone? Do we share thoughts?
Something funny happens, you laugh and you hear others laughter and right then you share the thought, idea, or just a glimpse of it. And we are not alone, we are together, maybe just a second or two, but we, who are laughing, are together.
With friends I'm not alone if I have the courage to share, and with friends it shouldn't need courage, anymore.
I wasn't there for you.
I am here for you.
I won't be there for you.
That's how it goes,
we travel.
To be there, always, doesn't need planning. It can help, but it can also make things more difficult since, plan is a plan, plan is not what happens.
To be there, always...
Close your eyes
Keep them open
Do you move?
Right, left, it's best to forget
Left, right, I might as well die
Right, wrong, you got to hold on
Wrong, right, let's stop for tonight
White, black, please carry me back
Black, white, no reason to fight
Do, don't, damn right I won't
Don't, do, are we always such fools
Stop, rewind, you can call it a crime
Rewind, stop, let your eyelids drop
Wake up, goodnight, the time goes flying
Goodnight, wake up, I remember you not.
We are defined by our sex, it's the first question people ask. And usually we're seen as a boy or a girl, straight from the born, not as a child. And our sex is boosted, by little things. No blue for a girl, no red for a boy. It's also to make people recognize more easily, she or he. And if you dress a baby in pink, most people will automatically assume that he's a girl. And maybe after two or three months of correcting every day "actually, he's a boy" you would get fed up and dress him in blue instead.
How much the sex/sexuality defines who I am?
What can you find out by knowing am I male or female, straight or gay?
Time, Space, Agony
I have nothing to do with anything. I do not relate right now. No empathy, well, there never have been much of it.
|
No sense Nonsense I'm tense Frequent Sequence Deep end No jumping Free gliding Free riding I'm hiding In sequence Frequently Grounded Hunted Wanted Forget Untied Unchained No free No go show Waily waily |
It takes a lifetime to die. You know how it is. Just when you got to know. When knowledge turns to understanding. Death awaits.... What? oh please No go show Give in, take out. No space, take it forget Remind No mind I don't mind Behind Low dime Proclaim Shame game pain vein vain gone |
Do take me Seriously Do not take me seriously Love me for what I am Love me for what I'm not Nevermind Too much, too soon More or less I hate it. |
I'm living in a state of a constant dying, some parts of me die every second.
I'm also in a state of a constant born, new ideas, new cells born, evolve and die.
I'm in a state of a constant, continuous change. I'm not the same me I was year ago, month ago, week ago, day ago hour ago, minute ago, second ago,
Still I continue staying me, every second.
We are living in a world of choices.
Every second we make a choice or several of them.
There's no such things as "must" or "have to"
I have always an option, another choice.
And since all of my choices are made by me, I'm also responsible of every one of them.
This is terrifying.
That's why most of us want to forget the reality and make one of their own where "must" and "have to" exists.
That's why most of us wants and needs a strong leader.
We want someone to decide for us.
We want to get away of our responsibility.
writings