English
Finnish
Wavetales







i guess i could tell you things

of earth, of year
Rain falls and sundowns
clocks that don't set
but stay true

i guess i tried
to wait and whisper
give time for the light
to rest in the dark

Balancing on thin ice
layers of shattered glass
encompassing all that I can
all that I could

i guess you could tell me things
And i guess
i would listen





A company

Let me walk with you
for a while
for a life

Hear the words
dropping out of your mouth
into my ear

My arms your skin
telling who i am
what we could be

let me tell you
how we have been
what did we do
just now, again

see with my words
create the real





What is the world?
Returning to me
Casting it shadows
As I cast mine

Hearing these words
Songs of the birds
Waves on the shore

How do we
go on
casting the armours
around our hearts

How do I
live from love
trust in all
fall away from fear






How it goes
that again and again
I fail to make you happy
or make myself
whole

do I or do i not
want
need
love

anyone
anymore
anything

How it goes
that again and again
I leave try to leave
you to be
who you are





I though
think
passed
through

Layers
of skin and doubt

waiting, asking
that maybe
it's not
not
not





An empty page
Full of promises
new, hint of hope

At times I'm filled
all the way to the marginals
thoughts cluttered
running out of my eyes

not full
getting ready
to finish
everything

not yet
not quite
maybe
in forty years





It's not
this that
which whatever

It's
this those
these words
breaths between
the notes

Keys
black and white
fitting but not
making a sound

hear it
not this that
which who ever
is making these words

not moving
one phase
after repeat
phase a piece
pulse
everafter





Money comes
it goes
exchange collaborate
we all melt together
neither from status
nor from direction

how do you relate to
hierarchies
very unbureucratic
funding on project

How we work
as production

a winter
a month
to go by

Anything else
but theory

Are there
is these
the questions
you
your side
needs to know





Start
when did you
notice direction
places to hide
from daylight

to sunlight
to moonlight

from the dark

end

When did you
pay attention
it's no longer here
or maybe
it never was

notice
when did you?






No go
I wish that
you would
find me finally

It's not that
I would be waiting
but...

I think I am

your lips
on my neck
my fingertips
on your collarbone





Not knowing
but pretending
to be here

Is this the time
Is this the day

when you
will
finally
arrive





clouds after the rain
time that we take
to come to
understanding

and I never understand

how can we
in this tremendous wealth
let others die
out of hunger
out of care

count the coins
hide the cash
money is nothing
except agreement

and I don't want to agree
yet can't find my way out
lack of bravery

Rain in the morning
fresh water that falls
runs in rivers
how could anyone
own what is given to us all

understanding, a lack





For now
I stay silent
Still as the heat
On a day with no wind
Not resting

Nothing being
Created or destroyed
Nothing being
At all

And elsewhere
Progress marches onwards
Eventually destroying and creating
itself, others

Watch it rise
See it fall

At the end of A day

For now
Stay silent





Holy or whole
to be holy is to be whole
or to be whole is to be

everything imaginable
truth and lies
death and birth
dying and living

I don't become
whole
either the whole is
whole or it isn't

holiness don't become
neither do halos

ascend
descend
no middle
no end

either it is
or it isn't
and how
this would not be it?






Like, as if
I didn't hear the words
heard everything but
i do not understand

and it's not the language

it's the sense
pieces clicking
creating meaning       s
building pictures

and they don't form
not now, not for me
a mess of emotions that
i cannot relate or disconnect

I wish I was over over it, this

Independence
interdependence
Inter
Intra
All in
All in





As i try
as if i wouldn't mind
as if i wouldn't feel hurt
eventhough there's nothing to hurt

storm, colliding waters
under the dark

i imagine reasons and relations
but i don't
understand or control

Love, amor, love
used so many times, in so many meanings that i don't know
did they ever mean anything

just forces
and no signs to read them

Under the dark





This that is
is
there's no way
to hold it, to have it

in this, in that
even to understand

like and as if
giving examples what it reminds, feels alike
similarities and comparisons

never this that is
this is
is
be
exists?

even this that doesn't exist
is

Let go of me
it's time to leave





In no time
Blossoms fall
stems grow

In no time
I remember

time
of every step
every beat of the heart

I tend to forget
I remember the card
but not you
or the time
of me receiving
or you receiving me

time, destroys all
builds it up
true being
left on it's own

Just like me
forgotten in the wind
with the taste of salt






This part I hold dear
so close that it becomes
it is me

This part I...

Uneasiness in grieving
uneasiness in...

I am uneasy sitting here with you
without you

fingers missing the sking to touch
missing being touched

to change, but not completely

nothing at all is stable
true being
not even nothing itself

flicker of an eye
a flame
a picture

heat me up
(he) says shivering






How to let go without
sadness
When I am happy
?

How to let go of the hopes
I don't know existing
wishes not recognised

Let everything be
all over
without escaping

without





Hours pass
I'm afraid that
all that has happened
happens again

And I don't know
how to stop it

Is there a switch?
Internal sun
or tide
that can be turned

I don't want you to be anything
else
than you

I wish you to be happy
and happier than without me

and yet
I know not
how to

when I am
like I am
as I am
what I am





I cut these thigs to pieces
Old and used
To make something new

Languages
we share
we don't
what is to understand

Take this
Hand or a kiss
Stones and feathers
Signs, all the same

Distances
Space and time
Difference
Either here or far

Waiting
Joyfully
Things will always
Change

And stay the same

Who you are now
I know not
I love you
Nevertheless

I stitch these pieces to things
Rearranged
And new again





Evening, rain
Lights shimmering
from the asphalt
Somewhere far

under my fingers
I still can feel
Your skin

A rain
A memory
A wish

Your lips
Somewhere
Too far
From mine





What is a sign
Detached
From the thing
It signifies

Kisses and caresses
Smiles and laughter
Trying to make them
empty of meaning

But my will
Or belief
Is not
Strong enough

Signs of love
Pretending
That they are
Not what they are

Kisses, caresses
Gentle words
Tips of the fingers

Signs
Detached
Yet
Full of love





Long gone
but not so silent
as if not to hear
between the words
above the sentences
audible in every breath

Long gone
but we do remember
even if
we try our best
to forget and not to recall
push away from being

wait for a while
see how the rivers run
until they have emptied into the oceans
how leafs grow dry fall decay
sun sets and breath grows slower

wait for a while





at times i wonder
how on earth
we have survived so long
on this earth?

and how come
the human can even be
claimed to have
an intellect?

i guess
I should stay away
from message boards
if I wanting to keep

the remnants
of hope
and belief
that this kin of mine

will survive





Days
thoughts of

Vague memories
of your laughter

All these things
that we carry
around our hearts

as a shelter
an armour
a wall

Weeks of not hearing
how alone we are
in the midst of
noise
laughter
and love





not this
not that

senses, perception
the multiplicity of
good and evil
nothing pure
except being

render reality
dress up with language
hard shapes
distinct polarities
non being

not this
not that
being a non-being
yet weeds grow
and flowers decay

If there would be change to escape
but the action affirms
no escape
embrace





time to resign
throw thoughts to the floor
ideals out of the window

repeat that nothing is lost
repeat that nothing is gained
and everything
as always
is given

most of us
I included
are just incapable
of giving it forward
letting it pass

time to resign
stupid games
of wealth and power
I wish that I could

not that I wouldn't worry
not that I wouldn't care
not that I wouldn't
be grateful

and I repeat
I'm done striving
as I wish that I would





And I repeat
after
forever

groundless thoughts
faltered patterns
findings so old

understanding settless
drifting pieces
towards the floor

of the forest
of the ocean

Sediments
sentiments
filling me in

blocking the view
taking my breath

understanding
through the old
rendering the new
into something
already known


And I repeat
a thought
a word
a movement
a motion

contructing the now
places where we haven't been
places we always were

emotion
in motion
severed from the world

drifting towards
the oceans floor





Not one
not two
no one knew

What would
and what will

only you
with your
eyes blue
asking for truth





Somehow all of it, this
Expires
by the time

Reached, grasped
and lost

Becomings beginnings
Endings never ending
Stop






Streched thin
words upon truth
friends in dinstance
skin on bones

Time for the making
and you stretch it
more

As if to see how long
there's anything
left to save
call back
hear from
wrap around you heart

Stretched thin
as to see through





Would it be easier
Or just different
if i would not
but i do

Could it be
for a second
a breath
a living thing

Should it be
left alone
given time
bloom and grow

just the same
a bit different
letting everything
gently unfold





Fall
fell over us
not suddenly
unknowing

Slowly the days grow darker
we wait for the turn

it seems too long
the time
we let it pass

law after law
case after case

Ask yourself
as i ask me
what are you afraid of?

the day comes
hopefully soon
when the answer
is nothing
nothing at all





At peace
not with world
not without it
nothing is
as it is
such as it is

No nature to run to
no forces of predictability
surprises all along
the way that never was

about to

lead nowhere
wait for no one
standing still
next to an edge

ridge
trees
oceans above

fleeing forever
withdrawn

such as it is
At peace





stepping aside
nothing behind
the present crumbling

stones, tiles
wood, bones, sheets of shining metal
cascading, colliding
slowly forming the way

To walk on
ever arriving
towards the future

nothing to be done
all the steps taken
standing still

carried forward
the night, the sun
another moon
clear paths, coming years
can almost hear today
the future arranged
not planned





To say things simply
quick words
short sentences

no elaboration
everything coded to
a common language

and it becomes
uncommon or
not good enough

To read things simply
adding nothing
not understanding at all

not referring to any past
any future
only the words themselves

resonating
finding their way
tickling, dying
sinking in





All of the notes
little things
described
scribbled
drafted not written

Travelled around
scattered
thrown in the wind
thrown in the river

Swallowed
not as an
whole

Pieces of memory
recollections
like shattered glass
so sharp
as to cut
open

Dissect
separate
meat off the bones
good off the bad

Piles around the yard
forgotten
left to decompose





How the world works
this way or that
pours it's words into me
beliefs and expectancies

How the time turns
a tree from a seed
a cycles around
a clock or a sun

How am I
after a failure
too many thoughts
little less feelings

How is it
now, before
when you don't yet know
nothing at all





This is being told
in words, sentences
plans, pictures
laid out
on the floor
around the tables

This is being, silence(d)
not making a notion
not planning to live

This is being untold
lost in the noise
and chatter
underneath the weight of the world

Light glimpses
movement of an eye
twist of the mouth
slowly closing

This is being revealed
not that it was hidden
not that it was lost
not that it was





At the end
energy runs through
drives outside in
veins skin marrow

Almost touching
Hitting hard
no pavement
slippery floor

Timing, time
rhythm, though thinking.
through the middle of the brain.
Somewhere, people dying

And us, surrounded by this beauty
moving in, moving out, dying.
No cries here, no laughs, no nothing.
All of this I owe to you
never born never dead.

everpresent





Morning
Clouds pouring over the hills
Rising sun

With open walls
Aural
Drones and dominions

5 minutes
From one end to another
guiding my fall

I try to count beats
Ambience of oriental
Turns into drones

Even for us
Jules plays
On the otherside

Been here before
Different times
Different places

Here again
Almost everything
Collaged into this





Time for next change
Endings
Transitions

Heavy lids in the morning
Rays make their way

Skin
Touch
Kisses
Maybe we'll see again

All passes
Smiles
Tears
All over again





Last night
At last

Orange light
Old cushions

Ready
But it's not time to leave
Yet

Fading voices
Trees against
Darkening sky

Last night
At last
Tomorrow
Another





At night
Steady drone of crickets
Laugh from the neighbours

Steps on the gravel
Breathing of dogs

Everything
Almost in peace

Wine and olives
Talk and wonders
How nothing
Seems to be in peace

Days worn out
And we are finally resting
War roaming
Else if not far

All my dances
For those who die(d) in vain
If not for peace
Everlasting





Dying takes time
After we see
How beautifully
You're designed
As am I
Everything connected

Into pieces
Blades of knives and axe

Slightly later
Fried blood
kidney and brain
Shared plate

I wonder
The shortly felt nausea
Straight from gut
Not thought
Curiosity
Could I do the same





At the end
energy runs through
drives outside in
veins skin marrow

Almost touching
Hitting hard
no pavement
slippery floor

Timing, time
rhythm, though thinking
through the middle of the brain
Somewhere, people dying

And us, surrounded by this beauty
moving in, moving out, dying
No cries here, no laughs, no nothing
All of this I owe to you
never born never dead

everpresent





Tried and lost
pieces
fractions
seconds

finding their way
deeper into darkness

All of the currency
we call time

Every cell screaming
stop
enough

No more
not in my name
not in my head

no
enough

deeper into darkness





Time for exchange
Time for next change
Time for

We're given
but all space is taken
sold out to someone
to sell us
things and thoughts
bits and pieces

I gather mine from the floor
where they laid broken
Throw around
all sides of
the world






you just have to
no matter what
happens
what are
the consequences

After all
all that fails
fails

after givel time
given space

I wait for your words
I'll wait for the day
when we would finally say
enough
or too much




So full of longing
the last pages of the book
the last beats of a heart

So full of knowing
is it you?
finally?

I've been given so much
but I want more to give

Will i accept you
will you accept me

to look and laugh and love
to grow
even if not doing anything
at all
i want to love





Please wake up
did you think
or feel

right
think
to do
to say

Please wake up
it's time
almost too late
now





I wish
I think
I though I wished

someone, something
going to fullfill
dreams of me

to understand that
I am not empty
a vessel

no form
nothing to be
empty of

Everything
is full of
everything





Always
everything
here
now
good
hope
all
great
happy
belief
not lost
not lost at all





not not
around
always here
but what is here

all and nothing
all and everything

time being
a place

being
not here, not this
not not
always





But...?
I do
miss, like always

and I am not sure
is it really you
or what is represented

how could I
how you could
again

questions after questions
falling through
the screen





note
clear sound of
beginning
towards
the end of days





Eyes
smile
a presence

the easiness
ease

lay my head
on your belly

your laugh
in my ears





So much
is empty

otherwise
all is full

in me
in here
in the pictures
we see

to share
everything I was given
I give myself to you, enough





Knowing
is the trick
But I do
know

I just refuse
to believe
that I do

do you
know the same as me?
how our future will be

Knowing much is not all





After a while
you call me
i call you

write the words
out of love
out of longing

after a while
I know
and you should
even if
late, not earlier

after a while
i am
on your skin





All is good
sweating
pouring through
almost like rain

you are
i am

and soon
or a bit later

we will see
feel what was
what is

Now
All is good
I wish





my every though
contains you

eyes floating
behind mine

swimming
in the marrow
of my bones

surround
from the inside

here and not here
but in everything





Worth
of knowing

the light
the dark
the green
the brown
the sea
the salt
the fresh lakes
the earth under

the shores to leave
and crash on

the smile
the tears
and the lasting laughter

your eyes
looking into mine





Who greets who? me the morning
the morning me

cold lights after the sun

Always giving
too much at times
another day of the
same play

Shifting from tragedy
to comedy
and back again

see how we go
in circles





Erased
crossed over
undone
after a while

all builds up
all comes down

all will
all

way up
stay still
still waiting

all





Not the slightest doubt
that I would be
wrong or stupid

amazing
amazement
that we got
even this far





a helping
thoughts recomposed

All is given away
freely
So why do we
struggle

Yard of a
kindergarden
Yard of a
Asylum

Me, mine, me, mine
why should we
survive
how can we
survive
when committing
suicide






How
helping to
carry the food
of ramadan

Taking the childs
hand or a picture

painting all of
what needs to be painted

you are so
beautiful





No time
lost
given

away for nothing
at all

doubled back
all my thoughts

for you
and all of us
for no one
for nothing

Give me
heart





Not long ago
feared

Not so
long ago

Token of my good faith

Love and loyalty

Long ago
Blessed with all the knowledge
taken
or received
in good faith





Dull
pain like

in my belly
below my ribs

eating
not eaten

finding it's way
breathing my air





You see
just still
not anything
moving
at all

at last
on         off
on top
anything
at all
moving
at last
If I sleep





Repeat
a day
night
full, new

wave

Repeat
form passing
nothing passing

a wave

Repeated
years
tides
turns

No shore
I wanted
to see





Love
Loved
A Lot
Lost
Locked
Love
not
Lost
I love





Bones after
bones

Drawn
pulled
out of mixture
of mind and muscle

Shake and rattle

Bones
after bones

When the blood has dried
Sandblasted





Hearts and heads
Hurts and misses

One day
Out of ten

One night
Out of nothing

And not a romance

I know I don't know

What's there
Behind this

But a memory





It's all insane
The world

The biggest fiction of all
Rationality
Sanity

To be sane
In the world
Not to be normal

No one knows
What it is
But some of us know
That it's not this

Not in my name
Not in my words

If I was asked (and I wasn't)
I gave no permissions
But I can't leave myself out





Dominions
Places to go
Places to own

Thrones
After thrones
of empty air
and false promises

We were
We are

Victim s
Innocent s
Our right s
For too long

Thrones dominions
Laid to ruins





Almost like
whole

Nothing missing
Nothing to add

Almost like
Everything would
Have fallen into
the right place

Almost like
I could hear a laugh
and I'm not here

Almost like
All the tears would have
Turned into rivers

Almost like
No world is here
And no nothing

Almost like
Almost





Thick hair
Touch of grey
A wolf

Gentle
Strong

Gliding above
Earth barely touching

I walk beside
Thoughts and stories
Decayed buildings

Your eyes into mine
You
Shining with
A smile





So I leave it be
without
within
as long as
no matter what
or why
it won't

so I leave it be
untouched
unheard
as long as
nothing goes through
or is taken
considered
again

I leave it be
I know
it will be
but I'm tired
and disbeliefed

I leave it
I leave
leave





For too long
You've been following
Your imaginary heart

For too long
You've been blaming
Your imaginary head

Dividing beings into things
Being into beings
Ends and beginnings

Making things
But denying the doing

And i can't see

I made this
This made me





Change

Same thing
Different scale

Fight war
Kiss love
Nothing changes at all

Endless loops
Of repetation
Spheres and circles
Learnt and forgotten

Less than generation
All over again

It's written
It's been written
It was written
But it seems that
No one really read

A Spiral
Ends





Tell me
What there is to do

With people
Following orders

Responsibility
Is always yours
No matter who gave and who said

Forget your country
Forget your language
Forget your leaders

Until we stop creating ourselves through others
Wars will be fought





Identity
Individuality

Who built me
or was I left to grow?

How can I
Denounce myself
piece after piece

not finnish
no age
no gender
not old
not man
not son
not left
not dancer
not

what is left?





When was it
that I started to tell stories to myself?
What was
What would be
Will be

When was it
that there was nothing
else except what truly was?

Truly we are not
without others

Truly we are not
Alone

Truly we are
not





There is no importance in the world
What created mine?

If we weren't so afraid
radical changes would be possible

Fear needs power
Over others
Over life

Is it possible for this being
to not to be afraid?

If there's no fear
is there still being?

what should be taken care of?





Things destroyed
Rendered into nothing

Thoughts taken from the past
Other heads
Other times

Breath keeps flowing
Today tomorrow

How is it what you call life?
One step at a time





Not knowing what to say
Or who it would be
saying

Not being silent
because it's not what is there

Time
place
forget
if ever





Uneven
Unbalanced
Asymmetry
Building
Buildings

I cannot
And I don't want

Build you
or myself

I would rather see you grow

Best of my abilities





All the noise
Loud
Full of life
Making themselves reality
Declaring

Thinking of the forests
In the north
No sound but the wind
yet everything
Fully alive





Strive for clarity
Whole sentences
Solid words
Something to make sense of
Continuation and causality

World is a view
Even if i spelled
Everything out loud
You still wouldn't understand





Memories
Colliding
Shifting
Merging
Into others

Until i don't know
When
Where
Whom

Was i
Am i

And who are you

Give me your hand





Time
Walking past the market place
Shops and houses
Little streets curving
Old walls slowly growing

Sky here is more blue
With the Cathedral against it
Ice cream, squares with lights
And me
Slowly crumbling





Another word
late responce
responded

Action where words would do better
Words where action was hoped for

Thought
Out of curiosity
Seemingly innocent
And now I know





How all
and everything
fades off
then shines again
cycles, pulses

At times
I feel yours
Beating
with the world
beating
of wings
beating
again

faint smiles
for the days we passed





I draw lines
Around you
Circles, archs

Thoughts of weight
Touch with lightness
Making me real
On the eyes of the other

I draw lines
Around
Myself, you
Making us real
In the eyes of each other

Circles, archs, round motions
Ever returning
Back to the start





I think
It's your scent
Makes me
Wishing to kiss your neck

I think
It's the memory
Of your eyes
Which bound me into

I think
I feel





Thoughs turned
Pebbles, underneath
Slowly sliding, a mass
Covering, all the earth

Stones turned
Underneath, nothing
All in the open
Filling up the skies

A step taken
Between the past and coming
Hardly hidden
It's always here

Thoughts burned
Rose up the skies
It is all empty
And so full of life






It passes
Everything
Days so long
Months so short

Soon it's winter
Soon i'm here again
Soon it's over
Soon it will begin

Now
Slowly turning earth
Slowly turning thoughts

Listen
I hear
The trees
Leaving their leaves

Huge span of wings
High up in the sky
How could I
Not admire

Hours away
You turn your head
Close your eyes
And dream






Today
I feel tired
Of days, hours
Being alone
Being alive
Looking for...

And i know
No one will make me happy
But me

And i know
What i long for

Tomorrow
Today
Now.





I guess i'm fading
Away from you

Drifting slowly further
Until your body doesn't remember
The weight of mine

Memory of you
Inside
Everpresent






Tiredness washes over me
Will I learn to sleep

Another week
Some same
Half different

Enjoying the time
Yet a part waits
To see
Again your eyes






To no beat
We move
Working together

Sliding through
Falling down
Suddenly supported

How I love
Meeting you again
My friend






Voice so
Dark soft gentle

Eyes closing
Dropping into slumber

Last words not as words but
Kisses, kisses, kisses

Your skin
On my breath






Night
We wait for the turn
In peace

Nothing to be done
All happens

A dance
A drink
A laugh

Until
Sleep washes
Over me






Rain seems
To wash away
All that was thought
To be me

Wheels
Downhills
Ride up

Surrounded
Water pouring
From within
From above





All of it
All of this

The days changing
Us with them

Squeeze my hand
Touch my lips
Signs of life

Throught the city
One train to another






A Car

Throught mountains
Fields golden
Green trees

Moon
Round with clouds

Becoming slowly
A memory
Yesterday






Not to go
Everything moves
Effort extended

Sound
Of a falling
Leaves
Thoughts

Felt

Ripeness
Turns to decay

To move
World is still






Year of no summer
Yet it's warm here

Inside my head
Inside my veins

Small pebbles under my feet
A steady rock

(K)now
(K)now not
I know






Up north
The sun will hit you harder

Down here
Only the warmth of strangers smile
Unpretending

I wish
I'm done striving






All that it takes
A day
An hour

All that it takes
A word
A touch

Some day soon






Complain
Concepts
But the things you hold
Dear

Freedom
Love
Spontaneity

All concepts
Nothing more
You'll
Never reach
Unreachable






Took the hope
That was left
With claimed love

hope springs eternal
Never
To fall again

How soon
Will be
All Gone






Tremors running through
me or the earth
shaking things loose
places, connections
Am i sick or healing?
Morning
Faint trace






Spring tides
Brings light
Everything growing
Day by day
I vanish
More
Into the brightness
Of the sun






After the sweat
Sea
After the sea sweat
Salt mixing salt
In cold
In heat
Sea is coming out of me
I'm inside the sea.






Full of everything
And everything is empty
Since really
There is nothing
Rays of sun
in my eyes
Rain running down my skin
All is






Some other day
I would stay
Today
I'm ready to go
Waiting for
Some one
Some thing
To take me

Still not moving





I
a wave
Form passing materia
Materia passing form
Not a half
Not yet whole
Waiting
a shore to crash on






Things come
Things go
What stays
No one to be
Seen
Heard
Felt

Felt it
Near
The heart
That wasn't
Mine






last pages
to cry
cries
cried
last sighs
last chances
changes
failing to fall
fearing to fail
so empty





how you long
to be free
no
to feel free
self is the jail
which is the gate
to the freedom

how I long
to be free
of your memory

close my wings
and fall





even if you thought
we lost it

nothing is to be
lost
found
missed

all words
all feelings
all worlds

ever present

this is a present
for all of us





if this is not it
it will never be
A Paradise





in no time
Am vanished
gone
non-existent

in no time
was like others
everyone else
who asked
who pleaded

in no time
forgotten
never been
never was

no word
from my mouth





All
as i predicted
how clever
claim your lies
to be the only truth

as I predicted
but didn't believe myself

such a wish
that the world
would not be
as I see

But I do
can't escape
from it





On winter
how easy it is
miracles of god

But be there
for your summer
and we will see

how you will
walk on water
turn it to wine

(inspiration: Jesu)




now
I am
so very different

not like
it was back then
when you saw me
for the first time

all said
all cycles
All repetation





strange things we see
looking into the eyes
of another
looking into own

strange things we hear
crumbling
between the stones

Strange things we feel
in cage
under shade

strange things
we are
never to be filled





like beats
forward
moving

giving time
I'll find mine
I'll die trying

give up
want to
give up
want


turned
down
back
in
out





It's like
it's like
you heard me
just never listened

I heard, listened
believed
too much

no words
are to believed
relating
only to now
relating to nothing





for days
waited
rained

four days
to go on
forth came
anger
frustration
foul play
behaviour
unfair

forseen
but not trusted





Ashes along the river
bones upon the stones

lost
found
never missing

I'm not
this is
nothing
here





smoke
after sunrise

yet we all fall
hour after hour

like rain on steel roof
drumming
away
the noise in our hearts





Life is absent
if there's no death
if you run away from death
you run away from life
and there is nothing else than life
thus nothing else than death
nothing





Appetite

Never saw the mountains
Glaciers
long gone

rivers run dry
valleys turn to dust
fine grained
like me

carbon copies
repetitions
replacements

Fine Grained
like me





Nation?
I do not know you
Land that is owned
piece of earth
I call myself

I am yours to take
whenever you call for

land that does not own
river is the land
tree is the land
wind is the river
bee is the tree

how could anything be owned by something





Doctrines
No logic
is needed
here

how could
no self
be born again





Layer by layer
peeled or build

what is that rock or shred
inside of a pearl

the entity called self
identity
called me

Slint
gathering around
isolated

pearls
we all are

layer by layer





pathway
out and through
clearly marked
ending up
same spot
this way or that
met you
meet me
meat me

pathways
up down
middle
I'm lost
you're found
asking questions
helps only if the answers are honest
don't lie to me my love
lie with me
hide form the sun





a flower
a beacon
guidance
lighting of the path

no matter
how we seek
safety
is nowhere to be seen
relax and breathe





a fire
inside
a water
flows
through
a ground
held up
air...
let me fly
to see
sun in your eyes





Wind blowing
off balance and orientation

Seeking a way
path to be safe

hunted by clouds
sun and rain
day after day
pray prey





you see
everything
aligns up
  down
just like
     it always
did

heartbeats
touches
  glimpses
of eternity

everything
lines up
  gives in





Without the words
there's no behind

it's not hidden
non present
not seen
in sight
always





Not a sunset
 not yet
  not quite

no sundown
 not quite

let me grow
reach the sky
from the earth





Past the corner
keep on moving
  this too will fade

Time takes away everything

Rejoice
  there is no choice
 we know
    yet we fight

to be existing
  and not alive

This too will fade
and I was never born
I will never die
what stays alive





Now,
this is for you
can be
  almost
a think
  thought
to be heard
 listened
in between
   breaths
  and beats
    of fist or heart
all it is
  is for you





Truth
  in me
    on my lips
it will not hurt
  gentle like
      waves
 honey to your ears
   truth
     no less
       travels
         is still
   in me
      like waves
 in the drop
  of an ocean





like flowers
 bloomed then
  decayed or
 dried
noise around
  clatter
     laughter
 tin cans
    like trees
 burned then blown
     the tree never became
Ash
  the ash never was a tree





Sun
 underneath
the clouds
  hanging overhead
I stack
  bones
 like
  stones
lines
 over
  another





  Finished
 beginning
 strangely
  re assuring
 attached
   adhesive
 a tape
 a glue
not for this
  wrong tool
 or platform
lost now
  to continue
   eventhough





Unlike
 any story
  before
this one repeated
 just as it was
heard before
  by some whom
   the memory did
 not serve at all
got lost in it, on this
 hide and seek
for fortunate
  sleep





I guess it could be
 possible and happening
told you this
   some time
  from beginning
wrote a word
 stole a sight
  of...
missed the call
 missed your face
but the touch
 kept remaining





long line
 mess made
like all burned
 towards the dust





In time
 on time
been late
  for too long
now we wait
  a bit more
washed up
  on the shore





Masses of water
 build me
put on to the land
  look for the right
 places to rain...





As I fall
 like a sunrise
  from the sea

Gently drifting
 above the horizon
  and clouds

Gathering speed
 towards the night
heat
 towards the dark





To not know
    a need, want
  or desire.
To be truly free
   is to not exist
   You, is always bound
free not to be




I teach you things.
  what do you want to...
learn?
But if you know?
     Do you really need me?
to tell you
      right wrong
     be better
    like this
  this way or that

You do know
 can I affirm?
Do you need my affirmation?

I'll give you everything
and with that I'll give you nothing
I'll give you "detail"
with that I'll give you everything
and so I'll give you?

Build yourself
    I'll help you as a mirror
As something to fight against.
    something, against.
Do not go along out of easiness
Question, doubt.
   I'll never be right
     or wrong for you
  you are... Be your own
guiding light
Lighthouse,
in the dark






You feed me
with your....
presence, voice
touch
    image
       movement
  gestures
   emotions
      feelings

I take it in.
I'll take it in
Do I want it or not

I'll take it
    eat it
and feed it back to you
as presence
    voice
   laugh
     touch
cry
   movement
image, emotions
    feel it



I saw you
I will feed you with my image of you...
You'll eat it, make the picture as part of you
or
Put the picture aside and
compare yourself to it.
Who's image are you?

Mine?
Yours?
But by yourself you never are
You are a picture of me and her and him.
image
of an image of an image
Yourself



7th wave

What is seventh?
What is a wave?
To be able to define the seventh wave I have to define a wave.
I have to define a start.

When does a wave start?
Where does a wave start?
What is a start?

What is an end?

When does an ocean start?
Where does an ocean start?

I can see the boundaries, but is a boundary same as a start?

Where do I start?
From skin? From hair, inwards?

I'm living in a culture with a linear sense of time. It starts, it ends, or it goes on forever, both ways.

If my concept of time would be cyclic how would I define a start, an end, seventh?

When do I start?

History repeats itself, but it doesn't go in cycles.
It's the details that matter, and they do matter.

History goes in waves, tides.

How does a wave go?
What is a wave?
Does it consist both, the hill up and the hill down?
The top and the bottom?
And if it does or if it doesn't, where does it start and where does it end?
Where is the point where one starts and the other one ends?




To be there, always

Here we are, on a train again. Places pass by as well as time as well as thoughts. Do you ever wonder who lives in here, there, in all these small places where the train stops. Places that don't mean anything to you, just distance poles on your journey, but to someone it's home.

It's nice to look at people, getting off the train. Some know exactly where they're heading, alone, sour, happy, thoughtful. Some look puzzled as they weren't sure is this the right place. They look worried, even, until their face lightens up to a smile. The whole of their being changes as they see the one, or the ones for whom they've come or to whom they're returning to.

The time changes, little by little. Now I've been traveling this six hour trip more or less frequently for four years. Now, a trip of hour or two on a train doesn't seem long at all, even this 6 hour trip doesn't feel long for the most of the times. I know it is.

Have you noticed how your mind and thoughts and feelings change when you're making the space between one place to another? Of course I don't know about you, but mine does, change. The weather, the whole atmosphere of myself changes. And it isn't related to the place I'm leaving. And it isn't related to the place I'm going, heading, necessarily. It's related to the journey itself, the change from one place to another, from one time to another, either way.

To me, it's difficult to be happy in anywhere.

How do you usually travel? Train is so different from a car. In a car it depends who is driving and if it's me, how am I driving. Are you as relaxed in a car as in a train, or ship, or airplane, I might ask? Sometimes it's awful to sit in a car. All the other cars passing, going, moving and do I trust the driver? Am I sure he or she will notice every moving thing? Am I willing to stay passive, passenger?
In a train I don't feel I have much choice, and most of the time you see houses and trees and sky and sun and night and light and things that are close but far enough. On those six hour trips usually it's just me who is moving. Or not me, train, train is moving.

Here's a game to play: When you know you're approaching a station or a stop, close your eyes. Tell me, you, him, her, when you've stopped, in relation to the ground. Then tell me, you, her, him, the moment when you start to move again. How do you move? Sometimes trains stop and take off so easily, gently. Sometimes they don't.

Everybody knows this: You have another train by your side, and it moves? Or maybe it's you and the other one is still? Or maybe you're still and the other one is moving?
   Close your eyes.
     Keep them open.
      do you move?

Moving...
   Travel...
  Thoughts...
    Time...
They all have relations, connections, comparisons, without them, they do not exist.
If this thought doesn't relate to anything, it does not exist.
It's simple, right?

There's a difference, 500 kilometers, six hours, a lot of different stops and starts in a lot of different places. Different weather, different people, different mood.

If places, where we stay, do change us, how much traveling does, change, me or you or me and you or him or her, us? Do you feel yourself changing? Do you... feel... change?
It's important.

Are you alone or not? Even this train is crammed, I'm alone. I do not know you, or anybody here.
I do not relate. Except in time and place, space.
But if we do, and we do, relate in time and space, in this train, how can I be sure that we don't relate also in thoughts? We share the time, we share the distances, some shorter, some longer, and we are alone? Do we share thoughts?

Something funny happens, you laugh and you hear others laughter and right then you share the thought, idea, or just a glimpse of it. And we are not alone, we are together, maybe just a second or two, but we, who are laughing, are together.

With friends I'm not alone if I have the courage to share, and with friends it shouldn't need courage, anymore.

I wasn't there for you.
I am here for you.
I won't be there for you.

That's how it goes,
we travel.

To be there, always, doesn't need planning. It can help, but it can also make things more difficult since, plan is a plan, plan is not what happens.

To be there, always...
 Close your eyes
  Keep them open
   Do you move?



Right, left, it's best to forget
Left, right, I might as well die
Right, wrong, you got to hold on
Wrong, right, let's stop for tonight
White, black, please carry me back
Black, white, no reason to fight
Do, don't, damn right I won't
Don't, do, are we always such fools
Stop, rewind, you can call it a crime
Rewind, stop, let your eyelids drop
Wake up, goodnight, the time goes flying
Goodnight, wake up, I remember you not.



We are defined by our sex, it's the first question people ask. And usually we're seen as a boy or a girl, straight from the born, not as a child. And our sex is boosted, by little things. No blue for a girl, no red for a boy. It's also to make people recognize more easily, she or he. And if you dress a baby in pink, most people will automatically assume that he's a girl. And maybe after two or three months of correcting every day "actually, he's a boy" you would get fed up and dress him in blue instead.

How much the sex/sexuality defines who I am?
What can you find out by knowing am I male or female, straight or gay?



Time, Space, Agony



I have nothing to do with anything. I do not relate right now. No empathy, well, there never have been much of it.

No sense
Nonsense
I'm tense
Frequent
Sequence
Deep end
No jumping
Free gliding
Free riding
I'm hiding
In sequence
Frequently
Grounded
Hunted
Wanted
Forget
Untied
Unchained
No free
No go show
Waily waily
It takes a lifetime to die.
You know how it is.
Just when you got to know.
When knowledge turns to understanding.
Death awaits....
What? oh please
No go show
Give in, take out.
No space, take it
forget
Remind
No mind
I don't mind
Behind
Low dime
Proclaim
Shame
game
pain
vein
vain
gone
Do take me
Seriously
Do not take
me seriously
Love me for
what I am
Love me for
what I'm not
Nevermind
Too much, too soon
More or less
I hate it.



I'm living in a state of a constant dying, some parts of me die every second.
I'm also in a state of a constant born, new ideas, new cells born, evolve and die.
I'm in a state of a constant, continuous change. I'm not the same me I was year ago, month ago, week ago, day ago hour ago, minute ago, second ago,
Still I continue staying me, every second.



We are living in a world of choices.
Every second we make a choice or several of them.
There's no such things as "must" or "have to"
I have always an option, another choice.
And since all of my choices are made by me, I'm also responsible of every one of them.
This is terrifying.
That's why most of us want to forget the reality and make one of their own where "must" and "have to" exists.
That's why most of us wants and needs a strong leader.
We want someone to decide for us.
We want to get away of our responsibility.